Not To Be Trusted With Knives











My Hockey Hotties post seems to have taken on a life of its own!  The first sign of this was when a whole bunch of people I didn’t recognize left comments on that posting. I mean, I know that there are always a lot of people who read a given blog regularly but don’t comment, but it seemed unlikely to me that all these lurkers were reading me for years, just waiting to comment on my opinions of the attractiveness of various hockey players.  Where were these people coming from?

The next sign was when I noticed a really drastic spike in my stats.  Like, I usually have 50-100 views per day, but on Sept 26, I had 460.  Wowsa!  Investigating further1, I discovered that 237 of those came from “Puck Daddy” on sports.yahoo.com.  And I quote:

Drafting a fantasy hockey team by how good-looking the players are. Sadly, Yahoo! has yet to install “beefcake” as a scoring category. [Not To Be Trusted With Knives]

I have no idea how Puck Daddy found me, but I’m glad he did!

And the third and final sign that Hockey Hotties was some sort of breakthrough posting for me was when I discovered that I was listed on the WordPress “Blog of the Day” under “Growing Blogs” on September 27.

Of course, the problem with getting a spike like that is the inevitable crash. What goes up must come down and suchlike.  Today I logged into WordPress and noticed the pretty much linear decrease2 since 26 Sept:

Oh, those heady days of last weekend – we knew they couldn’t last forever!

On the plus side, Hockey Hotties has now been viewed 761 times – topped only by my about page, which has been around since I first put my blog onto WordPress. Hockey Hotties  – Now With Photos! has only been viewed 106 times, which is a shame, because there are some damn fine photos on there.  But I digress.  Back on the whole stats thing for just a minute, I usually don’t pay too much attention to stats. I’m not into blogging for business3, so how many people come to my site isn’t a huge concern. It’s more like, “Cool! 100 people dropped by to hear about how often I wash my hair!”  But once you get a taste of the big numbers4, it’s sad to see those numbers drop. Discussion of hot boys is enough to bring the readers, but apparently videoclips of me shredding Canadian election brochures is not enough to keep them coming back for more.

Also, I should point out that the whole point of compiling a list of the hottest men in the NHL was to be able to draft a hockey pool team that I wouldn’t mind being trapped on a deserted island with.  The draft for this hockey pool was supposed to have taken place after BarCamp on Saturday but a bunch of the people who were going to take part bailed.  And thus, no draft.

But fear not, people who love hockey player hotness! Darren is now going to run a virtual draft for the hockey pool.  And so the team of hockey hotties will come to be!  And you can be sure that I’ll provide you with detailed info about which hotties end up on my team, and I’ll keep you appraised of their hot, goal scoring5 action all season long!

1a.k.a., scrolling down on the WordPress Stats page
2I guess blog postings about decidedly boring historical British Columbian Premiers just isn’t as excited as blog postings about hawt men. Who knew?
3Which is a *really* good thing, because I’d be starving if I were.
4Those of you who get 460 views per minute may guffaw now.
5Or goal saving, in the case of my goalie. Who I really, really hope will be His Hotness, Mr. Rick DiPietro. Rawr!

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{September 27, 2008}   Hockey Hotties – Now With Photos!

In preparation for this afternoon’s hockey pool draft, I decided I should figure out what position all the hotties on my list actually play, given that we need to have one goalie and to pick a certain number of defenseman. And then I thought I should have photos of these boys handy to help me to decide during the draft. Here is the result of that research!

Hottie
Position
Age
Jailbait?1
Rick DiPietro, NY Islanders
Goalie
27
No
Mikko Koivu, Minnesota Wild
koivu_37121.jpg
Centre
25
No
Taylor Pyatt, Vancouver Canucks
Left Wing

(note: scores points for his pretty blue eyes)

27
No
Zach Parise, NJ Devils

Zach Parise by jenkang75

Left Wing 24 No
Scottie Upshall, Philadelphia FlyersScottie Upshall by neat1325Scottie Upshall by neat1325 Right wingloses points for going by the name “Scottie” 24 No
Brendan Morrison, Anaheim Ducksbrendan%20morrison.jpg Centre 33 hell no
Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh Penguins Centre 21 hell yeah
Mattias Ohlund, Vancouver CanucksOhlundNewCanucksJersey.jpg Defense 32 No
Mike Comrie, NY Islanders Centre 28 No
Benoit Pouliot, Minnesota WildMe610x.jpg Left Wing 21 Yup
Vincent Lecavalier, Tampa Bay Lightning2787753030077758815 by kaatiya Centre 28 No
Mark Bell, Toronto Maple Leafsbell_headshot.jpg Left Wing 28 No, but apparently he has recently been in jail
Jarome Iginla, Calgary FlamesJarome Iginla by Dinur Right Wing 31 No
Paul Gaustad, Buffalo SabresGoose in Black and White by valorfaerie Centre 26 No
Martin St. Louis, Tampa Bay Lightning

martin-st.-louis.jpg

Right Wing 33 No
Martin Biron, Philadelphia FlyersMe and Martin Biron by valorfaerieMartin Biron by valorfaerie Goalie 31 No
Joffrey Lupul, Philadelphia FlyersJoffrey Lupul by neat1325Joffrey Lupul is Bringing Sexy Back. by Alipyon Right Wing 25 No
Derek Roy, Buffalo SabresMMM, Derek Roy;) by Alygirl20 Centre 25 No
Brad Isbister, Ottawa SenatorsBrad Isbister by John Bollwitt Left Wing 31 No
Markus Naslund, New York RangersMarkus Naslund Models the Vancouver Canucks' New Uniform by sillygwailo Left Wing 35 Nu uh
Georges Laraque, Montreal CanadiensGeorges by ztil301 Right Wing 31 No
Kris Letang, Pittsburgh Penguins080228 Kris Letang by Dan4th Defense 21 Uh, yeah
Mike Komisarek, Montreal Canadiens

Mike Komisarek.jpg

Defense 26 No
Josh Gorges, Montreal Canadiens

Josh Gorges 4-15-06.jpgJosh Gorges by pointnshoot.

Defense 24 No
Jason Pominville, Buffalo Sabres

Jason Pominville

Right Wing 25 No
Jonathan Toews, Chicago Blackhawks

Jonathan Toews by dtkindler

Centre 20 Indeed
Patrick Kane, Chicago Blackhawks

Right Wing 19 Yikes!
Dustin Brown, LA Kings

Dustin Brown by nicholeglaze

Left Wing 23 No. Just squeaks by the cutoff age!
Carey Price, Montreal Canadiens

Goalie 20 Yes
Sheldon SoSheldon Sourayuray, Edmonton Oilers Defense 32 No
Craig Rivet, Buffalo Sabres

Craig Rivet by Dinur

Defense 34 No

Thanks to all the wonderful readers who suggested hockey hotties for me to consider.

I’ll be sure to let y’all know who ends up on my team o’hotties!

1Where “jailbait” = below my cougar age
2Out of curiosity, given that all the suggesters were not my usual commenters – how did you find my blog?.

Image credits:



{September 25, 2008}   Hockey Hotties

This Saturday I’m going to be participating in a draft for a hockey pool.  Since I pay little to no attention to teams that aren’t the Canucks, I’m not overly familiar with non-Canuck players.  In fact, unless someone is a mega-star a la Sydney Crosby, I’ve probably not heard of them.  Thus, my draft strategy will be: draft the hottest players.  If I can’t win the most points, I may as well have the prettiest boys on my team, right?

Rick Dipietro. Rawr!

Rick Dipietro. Rawr!

So far, the pretty boy hockey players that come to mind are:

My research, thus far, has been watching videos of the “10 or 20 or 30 or 50 or 62 Hottest Hockey Players” on YouTube. I’ve noticed that these videos all seem to have the following things in common:

  • very poor production values
  • a plethora of copyrighted images being used
  • music that makes no sense (e.g., what does “I Kissed a Girl” have to do with hockey hotties??)
  • each contains at least 2 of the Staals, none of whom are good looking
  • each contains at least 4 fuglies for every decent looking player

Also, any “hottest hockey players” list that doesn’t include Taylor Pyatt and/or does include Evengi Malkin or Scott Gomez has some serious problems.

OK, blog readers, now help me out.  What hockey hotties are missing from my list?

Image Credit: Posted by Francis Larrede on Flickr.



This media release just appeared in my inbox:

NONIS RELIEVED OF GENERAL MANAGER & SR VICE-PRESIDENT DUTIES BY VANCOUVER CANUCKS

The Canucks didn’t make the playoffs and now the heads must roll, and it looks like Nonis was at the top of the head-rolling list.

It will be interesting to see what other moves the Canucks make in the next few months in response to this lackluster season. Over on Darren’s blog he mentions a prospect that is being looked at as a potential linemate for the Sedin twins – Fabian Brunnström. Darren mentions Brunnström’s recently career history and stats, as well as the suitability of Vancouver as a place for this young Swede.  But he neglects one important piece of the analysis that must be undertaken on all new Canucks prospects, especially one that will be playing with the Twins.  Hottie or non-hottie?

My extensive research into the topic comes to the following conclusion: Hottie.



When I was in Vegas last weekend, as we drove by “Wayne Newton Blvd.” on the way to the airport, I said, “I wonder if they will name a street in Vancouver after Trevor Linden?” You see, this season was Trevor’s last in the NHL and with the Canucks not making the playoffs, Vancouver had seen his last game on Saturday night.

Trevor is well recognized for being a great hockey player, an inspirational leader and a humanitarian. I even forgive him for being born in Alberta because although, like me, he may have been born and grew up elsewhere, he is truly a Vancouverite.

I have no doubt that his number will be retired by the Canucks and I hope that he will stay on with the team in some capacity now that his playing days are over. And, as both Darren and Rebecca suggest, I’d love to see a Trevor Linden street here in our city!

Sign the petition to name a street after Trev. You know you want to.



{March 16, 2008}   We are the champions!

Tonight, we won the championship game!

Some photos from the post-game celebration in the dressing room:

IMG_3427.JPGIMG_3430.JPGIMG_3423.JPGIMG_3425.JPGIMG_3418.JPGIMG_3433.JPGIMG_3413.JPG

Next stop: Vegas tournament. And then it’s on to provincials in Kelowna in May!



{October 16, 2007}   Canucks game recap

My recap of last night’s Canucks game:

Taylor Pyatt scored after a beautiful shot by Brad Isbister hit the post, bounced off of Taylor and went into the net. A PyattIsbister double team – it’s like my dream come true!

Then some other stuff happened, but we don’t need to talk about that.

In other Canucks news, I want these earrings, which I just saw over on http://www.miss604.com/. The thing is, I don’t $73.99-plus-tax-want them.

Seriously, 80 bucks? Seriously?



{October 2, 2007}  

Sunday night, 11 pm seems to be the time when hot Vancouver boys do their grocery shopping. Safeway was positively crawling with them. It’s something I’ve been wondering about for a while, because I rarely see hot boys in the grocery store, yet I know they must acquire their sustenance at some point – you can’t build those muscles without protein!

Unfortunately, Sunday at 11 pm was also the time that I, being on the way home from my hockey game, decided to take advantage of the fact that I had a co-op car by stopping in at Safeway for some groceries.

On the way home from my hockey game. As in my hair is in pigtails, tied back with a bandana, no makeup, sweaty and disgusting.

Sigh. Sometimes you just can’t catch a break.



{September 21, 2007}   I’ve Got a New Love…

… or Taylor who?

Went to tonight’s Canucks v. Oilers pre-season game. A certain right-winger caught my eye all game. #27. “Who is #27?” I kept asking my friends all game, but they couldn’t read his name on the back of his jersey either, from our seats up in the nosebleeds.

But I got my answer when, with the scored tied 4-4 and only 2.5 seconds left in the game, my new beloved got a breakaway and snapped one past the goalie to win the game.

Isbister. Brad Isbister.


On my new hockey team, I’m #27. And I’m a right winger. It’s fate, right?

The only minor problem with this whole situation, which I just found out while searching for a pic of my new love, is that he happens to be inconveniently married to someone who is not me.

Thank goodness that 50% of marriages end in divorce! I’ll be waiting for you Bradley, I’ll be waiting for you.



{September 14, 2007}   Brainlessness

The other day I was chatting with my sister and she said “Boys only get their brains after 30.”

A few days later at work, I came across this quotation:

“...a second major phase of brain growth that parallels the hormonal changes at puberty and extends into the mid-twenties. This second spurt is especially prominent in the frontal lobes, an area associated with planning, reasoning, and impulse control. Until this occurs, adolescents are not yet capable of exercising these processes consistently. “

So she was literally correct about boys not getting their brains until they are 30. Of course, the same would hold true for girls… I now plan to use this excuse for any stupid decision I have made up until now in my life. If I’d known this, I would have listed “my frontal lobes weren’t fully developed and thus my planning, reasoning and impulse control was not operational when I got married” on my divorce papers. I think it would hold up in court.

So, based on this scientific evidence, I’m now supposed to include “anyone under 30” on my list of “qualities which, if you possess them, will preclude my dating you” list. This list, which is growing rapidly, now includes1:

  • anyone named Dave (my ex) or Chris (my sister’s ex)
  • the British
  • boys who still live with their moms
  • Surrey trash
  • pretty boys
  • anyone under the age of 30

I have a rather hard time with those last two though.

So, does anyone know any ugly old guys that I can date?

1but is not limited to. I swear there were way more things on this list when I was talking to my sister, but I can’t remember what they were now.



{August 21, 2007}   He’s Back!

CANUCKS RE-SIGN FORWARD TREVOR LINDEN

Vancouver, B.C. – Vancouver Canucks Senior Vice-President and General Manager Dave Nonis announced today that the Canucks have re-signed forward Trevor Linden to a new contract.

All I can say is: it’s about damn time!

In other Canucks news, I have four tickets to the launch of the new Canucks sweater at GM Place next Wednesday, but no one seems willing and able to skip work1 to join me. Any one out there in the blogodome interested?

1For the record, I’m not *actually* skipping work. I only work 4 days a week anyway, so I’ll take Wed off instead of my usual Friday.



{July 28, 2007}   My First Ever Sangeet!

Last night I attended my first ever Sangeet (or Ladies Party, as it is also called). And I must say that you have not partied until you have danced to a mash up of “My Humps” + Hindi music.

OK, maybe I should back up a little. Since this is my first ever Indian wedding, when Shalu gave me my invitation (which, by the way, is the most gorgeous invitation I’ve ever seen!), I had to have her walk me through what the heck everything was, since my invitation had FOUR invitations in it!1 The invitation to the Sangeet indicated that there would be Appetizers, followed by Chunni & Tilak, then dinner & dancing. Appies, dinner & dancing I am familiar with, but chunni & tilak, not so much. Around about the time that we were waiting for our ride to pick us up, Shalu’s friend, Mina (who I met at the wedding shower last weekend and arranged to carpool with) and I decided to Wikipedia2 those terms to see what we could expect. Chunni, as near as we could tell from Wikipedia, is a piece of red fabric the groom’s family puts on the bride’s head. Tilak is a mark on the forehead.

Here’s a pic of the happy couple after the Chunni & Tilak part of the night. As you can see, Shalu bears both the chunni and the tilak. Wikipedia did not steer us wrong!

IMG_2108
Don’t they look amazing??

OK, a few highlights of the night:

  • the food. omg, so delish! I *love* Indian food. Plus, it was all vegetarian!
  • everyone’s outfits – they were soooo beautiful! Shalu looked radiant in her beautiful green dress and Deepak was dashing in his blue outfit.
  • the music! As I mentioned at the start of the post, it was Hindi music mixed with pop. Billie Jean, plus Hindi. Sexy Back, plus Hindi. It went surprisingly well together and had a great beat, which made for great fun dancing.
  • And speaking of dancing, I got a few compliments on my dancing abilities. Now, I’ve never danced to Indian music before, so I just sort of looked at what other people were doing and tried to imitate it… just feel the beat and go with it! I think people were surprised to see the only white girl there dancing to the Indian
  • And speaking of dancing, the DJ told us that “this next song will be the last song of the night” about 6 times. At once point, they had turned the lights up for the “last song”, but we kept on dancing, so they turned the lights back down and kept playing music! After the actual last song, we decided we still needed to dance some more, so a bunch of us headed to Ginger Sixty-Two. Deepak told us it was Indian Night there, which we didn’t believe, as Deepak likes to make things up just to see if you will believe them. But he turned out to be telling the truth, because when we got there, they were, in fact, playing Indian music! Of course, Shalu & her “entourage” (as the DJ there called it) were the only ones wearing Indian outfits, which everyone there thought was very cool.
    Here are Shalu & Deepak outside of Ginger Sixty-Two. Party like a rock star.
  • We stayed ’til Ginger Sixty-Two closed (for those of you who are counting, that’s right, we stayed right to the end of *two* parties last night… ya, we are that hardcore!) By then, I was pretty much unable to walk due to my feet deforming shoes. In my defence, the shoes are very pretty. Some peeps headed off for pizza, but me, Andrea & Mina decided that it was time, since it was after 2 am and Andrea had to work in a few hours, to head home.

OK, that’s enough with the writing. But I’ll give you a few more pictures, what with them being worth a thousand words and all.

<img src=”http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1025/921577139_3dfa7fd769_m.jpg” alt=”

Me, Radha (sister of the groom) and Mina (friend of Shalu’s (and now my friend too!))

<img src=”http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1219/922427514_6648ddd72c_m.jpg” alt=”

Mina, me & Ritu in the back row. Deepak & Shalu in the middle. Meenu up front.
<img src=”http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1114/921585443_09f3dce059_m.jpg” alt=”
At Ginger Sixty-Two.

Stay tuned for more exciting wedding events next week. Next up, the wedding tradition of Mehndi on Wednesday!

1See here for a brief description of the different events.

2I also discovered through Wikipedia that Shalu’s name is also the name of a “special type of sari.”



In this interests of keeping my Vancouverite friends living abroad apprised of the goings on of my beloved Canucks in the off season, I give you the Canucks’s newest hotties:

Ryan Shannon

This tasty morsel was picked up from the Anahiem Ducks as in exchange for Jason King and a conditional draft pick. He’s a centre, like me. And he’s 23, which happens to be my favourite age.

Jimmy Sharrow

This cutie was picked up in exchange for a cutie who was previously mentioned here in my corner of the blogosphere, Jesse Schultz. Jesse didn’t, however, appear to play much when he was called up and I assume he got sent back down to the Moose shortly thereafter. Hopefully Jimmy can do a little bit more than that next season.

Draft Picks

Patrick White (picked 25th overall) & Taylor Ellington (picked 33rd overall)

When I first heard that we picked up another Taylor, my first thought was “Taylor sandwich! With a Dr. Beth filling!” But, alas, then I saw the pics. Now, I’m probably going to lose my cougar card for saying this – but Pat & Taylor look a wee bit too young for my liking. Maybe they just need a few years on the Moose to, um, develop. You know, time to fill out and work on their skills.

In the meantime, there is always Ryan and Jimmy….



{March 31, 2007}   New ‘do

For awhile, I’ve been talking about getting a new haircut. In fact, way back in November at the dinner after my graduation, I was talking about it. At that time I said I wanted to lightening my hair – sort of around the same colour as Danielle’s. Then a friend of mine suggested I get bangs: “you know, the sort of asymmetrical kind.” “What, like Danielle’s? What am I, Single White Female?”

Well, apparently I am SWF, because I went out yesterday and got a new hair cut, with the asymmetric kind of bangs. But I brought Danielle & Sarah as my advisers, so it’s sort of SWF with permission. Sarah also wanted a hair cut, so we figured we’d venture out to find a salon. When I get my hair trimmed, I usually go somewhere cheap, like Great Clips, but I thought I wanted something a little more advanced to actually get my hairstyle changed. Felt like an $8 hair cut place might not be ideal for changing my ‘do. So we went to this place instead. Because we are, in fact, hotties. Sadly, that sign has been removed from their window – apparently someone was “deeply offended” by it. Omg, get a grip people!!

Anyhoo, here are the “before” and “after” photos… what do y’all think?

“Before” photo at the Hotties Always Welcome Salon.

OK, another “before” photo, this time with funny hats.

After photos!!


Thoughts on my day:

  • because there was a chance that I might have to stay late for a meeting this evening, I decided to get up early* to go for a run before work as I didn’t want to run in the dark after getting home late. Apparently someone is unfamiliar with the concept of “spring forward.” I got up at 6:30 a.m. and it was pitch fucking black. But, being the resourceful person that I am, I decided to have my breakfast/make my lunch/do the dishes/pack my bag for work before I ran, thus giving it time to get light out. And I got into work by 9:30 am, which is half an hour earlier than I had expected to.
  • Apparently there is a reason that “free coffee” isn’t a listed benefit. I discovered today that apparently the kitchenette on my floor has a coffee maker that is just for show. My hallmates** informed me, when I inquired about the coffee making situation, that “it’s just for desperation” and the coffee maker in the main office, three floors below us, is much better… well, you would have to be quite desperate, not to mention very creative, to make coffee on our floor, as there are coffee filters, but no coffee***. So I went to the main office for my morning coffee, but their coffee maker is quite small and since I’m sure that satisfying my coffee dependency by continually making pots of it is not in any of the support staff’s job descriptions, when I required an afternoon caffeine jolt****, I made the trip to Timmy Ho’s. It’s a long, convoluted, subterranean route to the Timmy’s… a series of tubes, if you will, not unlike the internets.
  • I’m hoping that walking through said series of tubes to Timmy’s, as well as taking the stairs up and down to my 6th floor office a few times a day will counteract the nonstop sitting and snacking that comes along with a computer-based office job, so that I won’t gain 50 lbs a minute.
  • I’m listening to the Canucks game on the radio as I compose this posting and this brings up two things: (a) I saw on their website that the Canucks have called up relative cutie Nathan Smith from the Manitoba Moose, and (b) the Canucks are playing the Wild and I can’t hear Shorty or Larscheid say the name “Carney” without giggling. I keep picturing a carnie rather than Carney.
  • while waiting for the bus this morning I learned that, apparently, Matt (whoever Matt may be) is ripped and has 3 nipples and someone else “luvs to spooge”:
  • After two days at work, I’m interesting in learning how the hell anyone gets anything done when they are working 8 hours a day on things unrelated to blogging and emailing? Anyone have any idea?


*Yeah, I’m as surprised as you are.
**Is that a word?
***There’s instant, but I won’t dignify that by calling it coffee. Hey, does anyone remember the brief period when Tetley made instant tea? What was up with that?
****as my early afternoon diet Pepsi just wasn’t cutting it.



et cetera