Not To Be Trusted With Knives











{January 8, 2009}   Movie Review: The Unborn

Kalev won free tickets1 to a sneak preview of The Unborn tonight and he took lil’ ole’ me.

Kalev’s review of the movie:

“The best horror movie I’ve seen this year!”

-Kalev, Jan 8, 2009

1Then I won free tickets and then he won more free tickets. So, clearly we were destined to see this movie.



Yesterday, Airdrie posted her answers to interview questions given to her by Keira-Anne, who had posted her answers to interview questions given to her… well, you get the idea.  Anyhoo, I took Airdrie up on her offer to interview people.  Here are her questions and my answers:

1.  What are five of your favourite movies?

Fight Club definitely ranks up there with one of my fav movies, as does the Matrix.  I saw both of those when they first came out before there was a huge amount of hype about them (especially Fight Club, I don’t think I’d even heard of Fight Club and we just ended up seeing it because we wanted to see a movie and nothing else playing that day looked any good).  Fight Club was so well written, well acted, well directed and it was unlike any other movie I’d seen.  Similarly, the Matrix was unlike anything I’d ever seen before – the special effects, which were created because they were actually needed for the plot and not just because they looked cool, totally blew me away.  But the thing that really clinches it for me with both those movies is that not only were they very entertaining in their own right, they both had really insightful social commentaries to make.

American Beauty is another one of my favourites – like Fight Club & the Matrix, it had a compelling story, amazing direction and thoughtful social commentary to make.

I don’t think I ever laughed as hard at a movie as I did when I saw South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut in the theatre, so that has to be on the list.  I remember sitting in the theatre watching the South Park kids sitting in the theatre watching Terrance and Phillip sing, “Shut Your Fucking Face, Uncle Fucker.” We all sat their in our seats in the theatre, stunned, thinking, “Oh my god, did they really just *say* that?” while, on the screen, the South Park kids sat in their seats in the theatre saying, “Oh my god, did they really just *say* that?”  I heart self reflexivity.

Interestingly, all four of those movies were released in 1999. Best year for movies EVAR!

For my fifth movie, I’m going with Zoolander.  As evidenced by the inclusion of the South Park movie on my list, I like stupid humour.  Usually stupid humour is only funny the first time around, but Zoolander, for some reason, stays funny no matter how many times you watch it.  And I’ve watched Zoolander many, many times and it’s just as funny the 20th time as it was the first time.  Or maybe I like it because I’m really, really, ridiculously good looking.

2.  You are mailed a box with $10K cash inside, and a note that says “Pay It Forward!”  What do you do?

I would use it to pay off some of my friend Z’s student loan.  Z did her Ph.D. along with me and, like me, accumulated a significant student debt. Unlike me, she did her Ph.D. while raising two kids on her own.  She’s very bright and very dedicated and she’s one of the hardest workers I know.  Even though she now has a great job that she loves, one doesn’t go into academics for the money and I’m sure that $10K coming off her student loan debt would be a welcome relief.

Damn, now I wish I actually had $10K to pay forward!

3. What was the hardest thing about your teenage years? The best thing?

Me, all dressed up for the high school semi-formal dance.

Me, all dressed up for the high school semi-formal dance.

I think the hardest thing about my teenage years was the crappy jobs I worked.  I knew that university was going to be expensive, so I had one (sometimes two) jobs throughout my teen years (actually, starting with my paper route at about age 8, I’ve always had at least one job!).  The worst of the worst was working in the brake part factory where my dad worked the summer that I was 19.  I worked midnights (which sucked) on a 400 degree oven that cooks the brake parts in the heat and humidity of a southern Ontario summer (which really, really sucked).  Oh yeah, and the material used to make the brake parts contained absestos.

The best part… hmm… I guess the best part was hanging out with my friends.

Erin, me (dressed for my role as Miss Casewell), Sarah (dressed for her role as Mollie Ralston), Darren.

From a high school performance of "The Mousetrap." From left to right: Erin, me (dressed for my role as Miss Casewell), Sarah (dressed for her role as Mollie Ralston), Darren.

Despite having jobs and a volunteer position, I didn’t spend very much time during my teenage years doing homework, so had a fair bit of time to hang out with friends.  Mostly at Tim Horton’s (there really wasn’t a lot to do in the town I grew up in).  The semester I had all the same classes as my friend Sarah – that was good times.  Or when Sarah & I used to sign ourselves out of class, claiming we were working on the “gifted” program conference (in later years, we’d sign out younger students too). Or the time I packed the entire cast of our high school version of “The Mousetrap” into my parents’ Jeep to go watch a performance of “The Mousetrap” in Toronto.  Or the time I packed about a dozen people into my parent’s Jeep in front of my friend’s dad, who was a *cop*, to go to McDonald’s.  Yeah, so I guess the best thing in my teenage years was packing way too many people into my parents’ Jeep.

4.  What makes you sad?

Lots of things make me sad:  My Granny passing away.  Seeing how sad my niece was when my family dropped me off at the airport at the end of my recent trip to visit them (I miss her a lot!).  Seeing my friends or family in pain.  The song “Hate Me” by Blue October.  The thought that I may never pay off my enormous student loans.

Fortunately, many things make me happy too!

5.  Tell us about the last time you had an adventure.

Hmmm, define adventure. 

Getting home from Mexico was a bit of an adventure.  The 12 Bars of Christmas is always an adventure.  Surfing in Tofino in Januar was definitely an adventure, but that was almost two years ago now!

Damn, I really need more adventure in my life!

And now it’s time to meme:

Want to get in on the fun? You can be a part of it by following a few simple steps…
Send me an e-mail with the subject line “Interview Me”
I’ll respond within 24-ish hours with 5 questions directed to you (I promise to try and be unique)
Answer the questions on your blog (or Facebook or MySpace) and link back to this original post
Invite others to participate by re-posting these steps

Also, email me if you any good ideas for an adventure!

Image credits:



{November 26, 2008}   My Review of 24 Redemption

Finally got around to watching 24 Redemption.  My review goes something like this: what the hell?

First, there didn’t actually appear to be a plot.  Second, how can it be 3 p.m. in both Washington AND a country in Africa1? Third, why did it look so warm in Washington on the day of a presidential inauguration? Don’t presidents get inaugurated in JANUARY?

The only good thing about this was the movie was the ad for the upcoming season, which featured zombie Tony.

1They were in a fictional African country. Perhaps in this fictional country they operate on Eastern Standard time?



{August 22, 2008}   Nom Nom Nom at the Naam
Sarah at Tsunami Sushi

Sarah at Tsunami Sushi

Ah, the Naam.  One of my fav restaurants in Vancouver, and one of the places that Sarah gets to at least once (and sometimes more) on every trip to Vancouver. This trip has had us eating at not only the Naam and the Eatery, but also Sophie’s Cosmic Cafe (great veggie burgers), Tsunami Sushi (not highly recommended), and Cactus Club (yay yam fries!).  Nom nom nom.  Also, we went to see Tropic Thunder, where Sarah used a variety of Famous Player gift cards and I used Scene points, so the grand total for both of us to watch the movie was $2.30.  Our frugality rocks!  TT was a pretty friggin’ funny movie – best part, in my humble opinion –  (quasi-spoiler warning here): the movie trailer at the beginning with Robert Downey Jr & Tobey Mcguire.

So, yeah, Sarah and I have been having an awesome time just chillin’.  Since Sarah has already done virtually every touristy thing in Vancouver on previous trips here, and since we hardly ever get to just hang out (given the 4000+ km between us), we’ve had a nice time just hanging out and catching up.  Going for walks. Hanging out by the water.  Having tea. Eating at various eateries. Endlessly riding the #7 bus.

Also, I had my one week post-op check-up to see how my eyes are doing since my laser eye surgery.  My optometrist was very impressed with my eyes, saying things like “Wow, you must be a really good healer!” and “Your eyes look like most people’s look after a month, and it’s only been a week!” and “You are the poster child for laser eye surgery.”  I do have an unattractive looking subconjunctival hemorrhage, which I noticed looked worse last night than it had the previous day, but my optometrist explained that it’s normal for subconjunctival hemmorrhages to look worse before they look better.  Essentially, it’s like having a bruise, caused by blood vessels bursting due to the suction used during the surgery. But since your eye is clear, it’s bright red instead of being black & blue like a normal bruise.  The reason it looks worse today is because gravity is pulled the subconjunctival blood down, where it sort of pools near the iris.  It’s harmless and will go away over the next few days.  But, because I’m me, I decided that you all would want to see a picture (quasi-grossness warning here).

My eye lashes are kind of clumped together due to the sticky lubricating drops I put in every two hours.  I’m sure that it’s religiously sticking to my eye drop regimen, as well as wearing sunglasses at all times when I’m outside, that is helping me recover so fast.  Well, that and the lab accident involving a radioactive rat that happened when I was in grad school, giving me superhuman healing powers.



See Gay Zombie.

Props to Kalev for passing this along!



{June 20, 2008}   Global Metal Review

So Raul invited me to join him and some others to attend a movie premiere last night. Well, I believe he actually “informed” me that I would be attending rather than “inviting” exactly, but that’s neither here nor there. The movie was a Canadian documentary called Global Metal and it was being shown as part of the First Weekend’s Club‘s Canada Screens series.

You can read much more insightful and professional reviews on Raul’s & Rebecca‘s blogs. Here on NTBTWK, we eschew thorough coverage and professionalism for quick tidbits and using the word eschew as many times as possible.

The Movie:

  • metalhead and anthropologist Sam Dunn checks out how heavy metal differs – and ways in which it doesn’t – in countries as diverse as Brazil, Japan, China, India, Indonesia, Israel, and United Arab Emirates1
  • contains one of the most brilliant cuts I’ve seen on film. I don’t want to spoil it for anyone, but I’ll give you the teaser that it involves Lars Ulrich
  • you should go see it. Go see it now!

The Venue:

  • District 319 located at, not surprisingly, 319 Main St. is a pretty cool little theatre, where the seats are all armchairs
  • you should go there. Go there now!2

After the movie, we went to the Alibi Room:

Andy, me, Rebecca (a.k.a. Miss604), Raul & Trevor.
Photo credit: Raul on Flickr

And, in honour of Global Metal, Rebecca and I show our best devil hours:


Photo credit: Raul on Flickr

1At the concert in UAE, he talked to metalheads from a number of countries, including some Iranian people that he arranged to meet in Dubai, as he wasn’t allowed to enter Iran.
2Well, maybe not right now. But the first chance you get to see something there, I highly recommend it.



{June 10, 2008}   Beth fall down go boom

So I’m leaving the theatre after watching a sneak preview of Young People Fucking1 with Kalev2 yesterday and I feel the heel of my super sexy boots slide right out from under me. And I try to not fall, which only succeeds in extending the length, extravagance and (I’m sure to the onlooker) hilarity, of the fall. And I scraped my knee. =(

And here is the culprit:

The little rubber piece on the heel is totally worn away. As it turns out, beneath the little rubber piece on your heel is some sort of uber-slippery plastic. Which, when it comes in contact with a slick movie theatre lobby floor, makes it like you are walking on a sheet of black ice. =(

I suppose I need to take the boots in to have them re-heeled. It seems like I have to do that a lot. Case in point: I bought my shiny black heels just over a year ago and had to have them re-heeled about 6 months after buying them, as the little rubber piece had been completely worn away. (And it’s not like I wear them *every* day. I’d say I wear this pair about 2-3 days per week). And now, they need re-heeling again:

The rubber piece on the heel is so worn away that the little metal posts inside the heel is exposed!

Needing re-heeling on a pair of shoes twice in 15 months seems rather excessive to me. I was telling my friend Alicia about this today and she says that she has the same problem. “It’s because you actually walk places!” she said. People who drive places don’t really wear out their heels because they barely walk on them. Bus riders like us walk several blocks from bus stop to office and so wear out our shoes. Which make sense, I guess. And it’s nice to know that I’m not the only heel-wearing-out freak. But now I feel like I should take a poll.

What about you, my heel-wearing blog readers? How long do your shoes last before you wear out your heels?

1An absolutely fabulous movie, btw, which you should all go and see. Hilarious! Srsly, watch the preview.
2 That’s “Young People Fucking,” that I watched with Kalev3 . Not to be mistaken for “Young People Fucking with Kalev.” That, I hear, will be the sequel.
3Did I mention that Kalev acquired the pass to said sneak preview? No? Damn, I better revise this posting so he doesn’t bitch me out for not mentioning him! =P



The next time I give my students an assignment, I’m going to play this video for them:

Because there really is not prostitute for careful editing of your own work.



{March 8, 2008}  

What do you do if you live in Ottawa and are snowed under by 360 cm of snow? If you are Dave of Touch You Last, you hold your annual 24 hour movie marathon! That’s right, they are watching movies for 24 hours straight. They just reached the hour 7 mark and are watching Holes.

Follow Dave’s Tweets and join Jorge has he liveblogs the event. And tell them to bring back the webcam =)



{January 5, 2008}   One Missed Movie

This Margaret Cho vehicle had such promise – remakes of J-horrors usually scare the bejesus out of me. The Ring gave me nightmares1. The Grudge freaked me the fuck out as well. One Missed Call – oh how I wish it had been One Missed Movie.

There were definitely a few points where this movie made me jump2. But overall it was just cheesy. Cheesy cheesy cheesy. And plot holes. And did I mention the cheesiness? I’m sooo glad this was a free sneak preview and that I didn’t actually have to pay for this. I cannot stress this enough – even for a free movie, it was not worth the price of admission.

What the hell was Margaret Cho thinking when she agreed to be in this movie? Did she lose a bet? I bet she lost a bet.

1Yes, that’s nightmares, plural.
2And, at one point, scream. But that was totally because Kalev screamed and scared me. Which he will now add a comment to deny and say that I screamed first, but it’s totally not true.



{January 3, 2008}   The Cake, the Bad and the Ugly.

How many times do I have to say this? SPIDERS DO NOT BELONG IN MY HOUSE!!!

This morning when I turned on the tap in my bathroom, I discovered one hella big motherfucking daddy long legs spider1 sitting directly under the spout, so that when the water turned on, the motherfucking big spider came crawling out over the top of the spout2! After much screaming and throwing things at it on my part, the monster got what it deserved – death and a watery grave in the sewage system of Vancouver. Motherfucker.

And speaking of scary, I’m going to see this horror movie tonight. Sneak preview. You know you are jealous. Admit it.

Also, there is cake at my work today. It’s one of my co-workers’ last day of work at our office today and, well, we use just about any excuse to have cake. There is truly a lot of cake in my life.

In summary: spiders bad, cake good. Cake with spiders in it – very, very bad.

1In keeping with my long-standing policy on refusing to look at pictures of spiders, I am not linking this to its Wikipedia page.
2Even just typing that out gives me the creeps!



{October 30, 2007}   Transmorphers?

transmorphers

Really?


{September 28, 2007}  

Dear Girl on her Cell Phone in the Movie Theatre Bathroom,

Please note that it is not acceptable to talk on a cell phone while using the bathroom. I mean, I’m sure it was very, very important that you tell your friend/lover/parent/baby daddy “I just saw Resident Evil!” but I really do think that this could wait for 30 seconds until you are done using the facilities. Saying “I’m in the bathroom” and then flushing the toilet while on the phone – also not acceptable.

Sincerely,

Everyone Else on the Planet.



{September 19, 2007}   Vote for Breakdown!

My friend Johnny’s short film Breakdown has been nominated for 4 Canadian Comedy Awards, so I thought I’d take the opportunity to pimp his film to my legions1 of blog fans.

To entice, I give you the blurb for the film:

In May 2006, filmmakers John Bolton and Errin Clutton were given eight days and eight hundred dollars to produce the disaster film BREAKDOWN for the Crazy8s short film event. Unfortunately, they spent the first seven days in casting. On the eighth day, they cut together “Breakdown” with the only footage they had – the video from the casting session. This is that film. Starring Christopher Shyer (WHISTLER), Amanda Tapping (STARGATE: SG-1), Carly McKillip (ALICE, I THINK), Sonya Salomaa (THE COLLECTOR) and Winston Rekert (NEON RIDER) as themselves. A Crazy8s Film Ltd. Production in association with JB Productions and Maple Syrup. Distributed by Ouat Media.

Intrigued? You can check out the film by going here and scrolling down to “Category – Film.” Go watch it – watch it now! And then you can like vote for it and stuff. Go vote – vote now!

1“legions” is a synonym for “dozens,” right?



A friend of mine posted this the other day on Facebook, and then I heard a DJ talking about it on the radio. 1500+ inmates practicing their Thriller routine. You just *have* to watch it!



et cetera