Not To Be Trusted With Knives

{January 23, 2009}   Hockey Team #2

The UBC Rec hockey league, women’s division, is back up and running this semester.  We tried to get it going last semester, but only two women’s teams registered and the other team didn’t want to play the same opponent (i.e., us) every single game.  This semester, the league has managed to pull together a third team so the division is good to go.  And we had our first game on Monday. On the big rink at the new Thunderbird Arena.  This one:

Holy Flying Spaghetti Monster, that’s some good ice.  I swear I was skating twice as fast as I normally do, with the beautiful ice surface and the huge stadium seating all around, not to mention our team names up on the big clock hanging up over centre ice, just knowing that I’m skating on the same rink where Olympians will be skating in a little more than a year.  So. Cool.

So, yeah, I figure since I’m swamped with my regular job plus teaching two courses, why not add a second hockey team to this semester’s to-do list?

Also, playing at UBC again made me think of the sign that used to hang in one of the dressing rooms:

Hockey Dressing Room by you.

I wonder whatever happened to that sign.

{January 14, 2009}   Last Night’s Canucks Game

National Anthem (guess which?) by todmaffin.Only two days into my 1001 days and already I get to cross something off my list!

43. take Tod to a Vancouver Canucks game

Last night I took Tod to his first ever Vancouver Canucks game.  Shocking, I know.  He has lived1 his whole life in BC, most of it in and around Vancouver, without ever having gone to a Canucks game.  Mercifully, this has now been rectified.

You’ll note, however, that I didn’t specify on my list that I would take him to a good hockey game.  You know, like a game in which we wouldn’t have to give our goalie the hook at 3.5 minutes into the game because he had already been scored on TWICE!  Sanford came into replace LaBarbera and soon was inexplicably behind the net with Gionta (a Devils player) putting the puck into the net2.  Combine those with the fact that the Canucks let the Devils win every battle for the puck and let the Devils skate around them as if they were a bunch of pylons and it was so bad that the whole stadium booed the Canucks off the ice at the end of the first period!  A little kid a few rows back was heard asking, quite loudly, “Why do they suck so much?”

Thankfully, the ‘nucks came out much better in the second and third periods.  They managed to make a game of it and there was some entertaining hockey to be watched.  Surprisingly, though, there wasn’t a single fight.  I think I’ll have to accomplish #44 on my 101 list (take Tod to a Vancouver Giants game) to see the fighting action. Who knows, maybe we’ll even get to see another full team brawl!

In somewhat related news, when I was telling a friend of mine at work that I’d been at the game last night and mentioned that the Canucks were playing the New Jersey Devils, my friend said, “Oh really? I met a bunch of NFL players from New Jersey on Sunday.”  She meant NHL (but that’s an indication of just how much she’s interested in pro sports) and after a quick look at the Devils’ website, we discovered that she was partying with Dainius Zubrus and Zach Parise that night.  Parise, as it happens, is on my hockey hotties list and it looks like Zubrus needs to be added to my roster!

1Although whether one can say they’ve truly lived without having been to see a Canucks game is up for debate.
2I miss you Roberto. Please say the rumors that you are coming back tomorrow are true!

Photo credit: Tod Maffin on Flickr.

{December 18, 2008}   Canucks Sign Mats Sundin

Only 27,852 days after he last played a game, Mats Sundin has signed with the Canucks.  Just like me, he decided to move from the freezing cold that is the GTA to the warm loveliness that is Vancouver1

My dad is a life long Leafs fan2, so he’s been quite interested in where old Mats would finally end up.  And the possibility that he3 might sign with the Canucks, along with the fact that we already have the Sedin twins, provides my dad with no end of amusement. In pretty much every phone conversation I’ve had with him this year, my dad has done his impression of a play-by-play guy for a Canucks game with Mats on the team. It goes something like this:

“It’s Sedin to Sundin, back to Sedin over to Sedin… no wait, that was Sundin.. to Sedin, he shoots…  rebound picked up by Sundin and he scores!!!!!!!!”

So glad I’m not a Canucks play-by-play guy right now!

1Our current subzero temperatures are an anomoly, Mats, I promise!
2Which is almost unforgivable, really. But at least he’s not a Flames fan.
3“He” being Mats, not my dad. My dad was actually property of the Montreal Canadiens in his youth. Seriously.

{December 17, 2008}   Happy Trevor Linden Day!

Photo_081808_001 by you.

Tonight, the Vancouver Canucks will retire the jersey of Trevor Linden.  Couldn’t happen to a more worthy person!

{December 12, 2008}   It’s Time For A Comeback

Specifically, a half marathon comeback.

Long-time readers will remember that two years ago, I ran my first ever half marathon (the Vancouver International).  And then, five months later, I attempted to run another (the Royal Victoria). But apparently, not training for your half marathon is a bad idea, and so I ended up with an injured foot and, although I crossed the finish line, I only did so after limping the last 6 km.  I had the best intentions to take a break from running to let my foot heal (which I did) and then train for the Scotiabank half marathon the following June (which I just… didn’t).  I have, however, been running with my friend Alicia once per week for quite some time now.  And, more recently, my friend Kim has been joining Alicia and I on our weekly runs.  And now we are going to run the half marathon at the Vancouver International Marathon in May 20091.

We’re planning to follow the Running Room‘s half marathon training schedule.  Which is an 18 week plan. And since the race is on May 3, I will officially start my training on January 11 – which just so happens to be my birthday2!  Also, the race is just 13 days before Alicia’s wedding.  We are going to be in some wicked good shape for her big day!

Anyway, step #1 = registering.  Which I just did today.  Despite getting this amusing little error message when I first clicked on “Register”:

I think I like “Where the content at?” a lot better than the usual “404 error – file not found” message.  I clicked again and that time it worked.  Weird.  Anyway, I’m registered now, so I better get serious about contemplating thinking about  about starting training.

Oh yeah, Monday (Dec 15) is the early bird deadline, so if you are thinking of running the Vancouver International, register now!

1Alicia and I are for sure. Kim is still deciding.
2Coincidentally, it’s also the day that Tanya will be running her half marathon!

{November 17, 2008}   My New Hockey Stick

Last week I mentioned that I needed a new hockey stick.

So, for last night’s game, I taped up the blade of my old stick’s doppelgänger.  As you can see from the photo (pre-taping), the sticks are almost identical.

Except that the new one doesn’t have the big chunk missing out of the blade.

The new stick didn’t result in my getting any points in our game last night, but we won 7-3, so I’m not complaining!

Me & my freshly taped new hockey stick.

Me & my freshly taped new hockey stick.

{November 10, 2008}   Time for a New Hockey Stick

The ref in last night’s game1 noticed a slight imperfection in my hockey stick:

Yeah, I kind of have a huge chunk missing from my stick blade. I’ve actually been playing with my stick like this for a few weeks now, knowing that I really, really need to replace my stick.  And, the thing is, I *have* a brand new stick (the identical model to this battered old stick2) that I could use.  Why haven’t I switched to the new stick, you ask?  It may or may not have something to do with the fact that I forget how to tape the other end of the stick to make the knob at the top and the nice groove thingys, like this:

Of course, I just took the new stick out and it already *has* the knob and groove thingys made out of tape on it.  D’oh!  Ah well, at least I just have to tape the blade for next week and it’s good to go!

1Which we won, 2-0, btw!
2I have two of the same sticks because this one time, my ex-husband, who wasn’t my ex-husband at the time, was in Toronto and bought a stick to play ball hockey with his brother while he was there. Then he brought it back to Vancouver (it still has the Harmony Airways luggage sticker on it) and it was too short for him to use for ice hockey, so I inherited it. And it just happened to be the same stick that I already had.

{November 1, 2008}   I’m #20!

Just noticed this on the scoring leaders list for my hockey league:

That’s right, me and my whopping three (3!) points1 are 20th in the league for points. Granted, it’s very early on in the season and there’s not a huge spread at this point (six people tied for third place, five people tied for fourth and I’m tied with (at least) six other people for fifth), but hey, I’m on the leaderboard and I figured I’d share that, given that it may never happen again.

1All assistsa
aNote to self: score an actual goal.

{October 23, 2008}   The Rick DiPietro Report

My recent investigation on hotness levels of NHL players1 has opened my eyes to the fact that there are apparently hot NHL hockey players that *aren’t* on the Vancouver Canucks2. (Who knew?)  Through that research, I became especially enamoured with His Hotness, Rick DiPetro of the New York Islanders3. So, I’ve decided that I will institute a semi-regular4 Rick DiPetro update, wherein I’ll check in on how His Hotness is doing this season.

In this inaugural Rick DiPetro Report, I am pleased for first bring you two videos. First, I give you a clip of His Hotness talking at the 2008 All Star game:

You can pretty much watch it with the sound off – he’s just yammering about how it’s good to be here and blah blah blah – but isn’t he adorable?

Second, a video of His Hotness punching5 Sean Avery:

And now the actual hockey part.  As it turns out, DiPietro sat the first four games of the season with a bad knee, as he had knee surgery in June and just wasn’t ready for prime time yet.  His first game of the season on Oct 18 – which was also his first game since March when he had to have hip surgery – was a 2-0 loss, despite his valiant effort making 34 saves. Hmm… perhaps I should just go back to my ogling of Ricky D and reserve my actual hockey fanship for my beloved Canucks.

1This reminds me – the last I mentioned here on NTBTWK, there was going to be a virtual hockey pool draft in which I was going to use my hottie hockey player research to draft a team of super hotties. And then I left y’all hanging. As it turned out, the virtual draft was canceled due to unforeseen circumstances that caused the draft organizer to be unavailable. Which may be for the best, as now I can love all the hotties on my list and not just the ones I managed to get in the draft.
2Canucks GM Mike Gillis, if you are readinga, I highly suggest you consult my list when it comes time to consider trades.
aI know you are reading.
3Fortunately, he plays in the East, so I don’t need to be worried about being conflicted when the Canucks play his team, given that we only play each Eastern team once per decade.
4by which I mean “whenever I remember to” and/or “when I’m suffering from blogger’s block and can’t think of anything else to write about.”
5I would like to state that I take exception to this video being titled “Rick DiPietro slaps Sean Avery.” I mean, he’s pretty clearly punching Sean Avery. Yeesh.

{October 12, 2008}   Hockey Updates

Well, sports fans, hockey season is upon us. The Canucks are undefeated, with two glorious victories against the Calgary Evil Flames. Thursday’s game was a 6-0 thrashing, which came after a beautiful tribute to the late Luc Bourdon, who died in motorcycle accident over the summer. Luc’s best friend on the team, Alex Burrows, scored 2 of the 6 goals. Saturday’s game was closer, but ended in an OT win for the good guys. It’s kind of funny now to remember all the naysayers over the summer and their “The Canucks have no players! Who is going to score the goals?” naysaying. By the looks of the pre-season and the first 2 games of the regular season, the answer to that question is “everyone.” Hell, even Rick Rypien scored a short-handed goal! Seriously!

Also started is the Blazing Blades season. The arena where we play got enough teams to make three divisions instead of the two we had last year. As you may recall, last year we won Div 2 quite easily. We were easily the top of Div 2, but properly would have been slaughtered in Div 1. This year, most of the Div 2 teams are in Div 3, and we are in Div 2 with the bottom team from last’s year’s Div 1 and a couple of new teams. It’s totally more fun, because the games are competitive and we really have to skate hard, have our heads up and really think about what we are doing to stay in the game. Our record so far is 1-2-1-1, including tonight’s tie game. And tonight’s game was quite a physical one – I got *totally* flattened in front of the net. After the whistle, I might add. I was doing what I do best – sitting in my office1, getting in the goalie’s face and trying to pick up a rebound and, after the goalie covered up and the ref blew the whistle, this chick on the other team punched me in the chest. Like hard enough that I went *flying*. Nice. And later on, a fight broke out! Chaos!! They are lucky I wasn’t on the ice at the time, because I may be little but I am fierce2.

NOT started up3 is the UBC Rec hockey league. Well, more accurately, started up and then stopped. UBC Rec only managed to scrounge up 3 women’s teams, and then one of them dropped out. Then, not wanting to play the exact same opponent every single week, the other team bailed too. Sooo lame! I was really looking forward to playing some Aggie hockey. I’m really, really hoping they can get their act together to put together a women’s division for January3, because I just recently picked a class4 to teach at UBC next term, meaning I’ll be allowed to play in Rec, if there’s enough teams to put together a division. So, keep your fingers crossed fo rme, k?

1That’s what we call it when I get all up in the goalie’s face, waiting for a rebound – being “in the doctor’s office.”
225 points to the first person who correctly identifies the source of that (modified) quotation.
3If you happen to be a woman who goes to, or works at, UBC – or if you know a women who goes to, or works at, UBC – you should totally recruit a bunch of peeps to play hockey next term. I’m just sayin’.
4A research methods course. I’m so stoked!

My Hockey Hotties post seems to have taken on a life of its own!  The first sign of this was when a whole bunch of people I didn’t recognize left comments on that posting. I mean, I know that there are always a lot of people who read a given blog regularly but don’t comment, but it seemed unlikely to me that all these lurkers were reading me for years, just waiting to comment on my opinions of the attractiveness of various hockey players.  Where were these people coming from?

The next sign was when I noticed a really drastic spike in my stats.  Like, I usually have 50-100 views per day, but on Sept 26, I had 460.  Wowsa!  Investigating further1, I discovered that 237 of those came from “Puck Daddy” on  And I quote:

Drafting a fantasy hockey team by how good-looking the players are. Sadly, Yahoo! has yet to install “beefcake” as a scoring category. [Not To Be Trusted With Knives]

I have no idea how Puck Daddy found me, but I’m glad he did!

And the third and final sign that Hockey Hotties was some sort of breakthrough posting for me was when I discovered that I was listed on the WordPress “Blog of the Day” under “Growing Blogs” on September 27.

Of course, the problem with getting a spike like that is the inevitable crash. What goes up must come down and suchlike.  Today I logged into WordPress and noticed the pretty much linear decrease2 since 26 Sept:

Oh, those heady days of last weekend – we knew they couldn’t last forever!

On the plus side, Hockey Hotties has now been viewed 761 times – topped only by my about page, which has been around since I first put my blog onto WordPress. Hockey Hotties  – Now With Photos! has only been viewed 106 times, which is a shame, because there are some damn fine photos on there.  But I digress.  Back on the whole stats thing for just a minute, I usually don’t pay too much attention to stats. I’m not into blogging for business3, so how many people come to my site isn’t a huge concern. It’s more like, “Cool! 100 people dropped by to hear about how often I wash my hair!”  But once you get a taste of the big numbers4, it’s sad to see those numbers drop. Discussion of hot boys is enough to bring the readers, but apparently videoclips of me shredding Canadian election brochures is not enough to keep them coming back for more.

Also, I should point out that the whole point of compiling a list of the hottest men in the NHL was to be able to draft a hockey pool team that I wouldn’t mind being trapped on a deserted island with.  The draft for this hockey pool was supposed to have taken place after BarCamp on Saturday but a bunch of the people who were going to take part bailed.  And thus, no draft.

But fear not, people who love hockey player hotness! Darren is now going to run a virtual draft for the hockey pool.  And so the team of hockey hotties will come to be!  And you can be sure that I’ll provide you with detailed info about which hotties end up on my team, and I’ll keep you appraised of their hot, goal scoring5 action all season long!

1a.k.a., scrolling down on the WordPress Stats page
2I guess blog postings about decidedly boring historical British Columbian Premiers just isn’t as excited as blog postings about hawt men. Who knew?
3Which is a *really* good thing, because I’d be starving if I were.
4Those of you who get 460 views per minute may guffaw now.
5Or goal saving, in the case of my goalie. Who I really, really hope will be His Hotness, Mr. Rick DiPietro. Rawr!

{September 27, 2008}   Hockey Hotties – Now With Photos!

In preparation for this afternoon’s hockey pool draft, I decided I should figure out what position all the hotties on my list actually play, given that we need to have one goalie and to pick a certain number of defenseman. And then I thought I should have photos of these boys handy to help me to decide during the draft. Here is the result of that research!

Rick DiPietro, NY Islanders
Mikko Koivu, Minnesota Wild
Taylor Pyatt, Vancouver Canucks
Left Wing

(note: scores points for his pretty blue eyes)

Zach Parise, NJ Devils

Zach Parise by jenkang75

Left Wing 24 No
Scottie Upshall, Philadelphia FlyersScottie Upshall by neat1325Scottie Upshall by neat1325 Right wingloses points for going by the name “Scottie” 24 No
Brendan Morrison, Anaheim Ducksbrendan%20morrison.jpg Centre 33 hell no
Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh Penguins Centre 21 hell yeah
Mattias Ohlund, Vancouver CanucksOhlundNewCanucksJersey.jpg Defense 32 No
Mike Comrie, NY Islanders Centre 28 No
Benoit Pouliot, Minnesota WildMe610x.jpg Left Wing 21 Yup
Vincent Lecavalier, Tampa Bay Lightning2787753030077758815 by kaatiya Centre 28 No
Mark Bell, Toronto Maple Leafsbell_headshot.jpg Left Wing 28 No, but apparently he has recently been in jail
Jarome Iginla, Calgary FlamesJarome Iginla by Dinur Right Wing 31 No
Paul Gaustad, Buffalo SabresGoose in Black and White by valorfaerie Centre 26 No
Martin St. Louis, Tampa Bay Lightning


Right Wing 33 No
Martin Biron, Philadelphia FlyersMe and Martin Biron by valorfaerieMartin Biron by valorfaerie Goalie 31 No
Joffrey Lupul, Philadelphia FlyersJoffrey Lupul by neat1325Joffrey Lupul is Bringing Sexy Back. by Alipyon Right Wing 25 No
Derek Roy, Buffalo SabresMMM, Derek Roy;) by Alygirl20 Centre 25 No
Brad Isbister, Ottawa SenatorsBrad Isbister by John Bollwitt Left Wing 31 No
Markus Naslund, New York RangersMarkus Naslund Models the Vancouver Canucks' New Uniform by sillygwailo Left Wing 35 Nu uh
Georges Laraque, Montreal CanadiensGeorges by ztil301 Right Wing 31 No
Kris Letang, Pittsburgh Penguins080228 Kris Letang by Dan4th Defense 21 Uh, yeah
Mike Komisarek, Montreal Canadiens

Mike Komisarek.jpg

Defense 26 No
Josh Gorges, Montreal Canadiens

Josh Gorges 4-15-06.jpgJosh Gorges by pointnshoot.

Defense 24 No
Jason Pominville, Buffalo Sabres

Jason Pominville

Right Wing 25 No
Jonathan Toews, Chicago Blackhawks

Jonathan Toews by dtkindler

Centre 20 Indeed
Patrick Kane, Chicago Blackhawks

Right Wing 19 Yikes!
Dustin Brown, LA Kings

Dustin Brown by nicholeglaze

Left Wing 23 No. Just squeaks by the cutoff age!
Carey Price, Montreal Canadiens

Goalie 20 Yes
Sheldon SoSheldon Sourayuray, Edmonton Oilers Defense 32 No
Craig Rivet, Buffalo Sabres

Craig Rivet by Dinur

Defense 34 No

Thanks to all the wonderful readers who suggested hockey hotties for me to consider.

I’ll be sure to let y’all know who ends up on my team o’hotties!

1Where “jailbait” = below my cougar age
2Out of curiosity, given that all the suggesters were not my usual commenters – how did you find my blog?.

Image credits:

{September 25, 2008}   Hockey Hotties

This Saturday I’m going to be participating in a draft for a hockey pool.  Since I pay little to no attention to teams that aren’t the Canucks, I’m not overly familiar with non-Canuck players.  In fact, unless someone is a mega-star a la Sydney Crosby, I’ve probably not heard of them.  Thus, my draft strategy will be: draft the hottest players.  If I can’t win the most points, I may as well have the prettiest boys on my team, right?

Rick Dipietro. Rawr!

Rick Dipietro. Rawr!

So far, the pretty boy hockey players that come to mind are:

My research, thus far, has been watching videos of the “10 or 20 or 30 or 50 or 62 Hottest Hockey Players” on YouTube. I’ve noticed that these videos all seem to have the following things in common:

  • very poor production values
  • a plethora of copyrighted images being used
  • music that makes no sense (e.g., what does “I Kissed a Girl” have to do with hockey hotties??)
  • each contains at least 2 of the Staals, none of whom are good looking
  • each contains at least 4 fuglies for every decent looking player

Also, any “hottest hockey players” list that doesn’t include Taylor Pyatt and/or does include Evengi Malkin or Scott Gomez has some serious problems.

OK, blog readers, now help me out.  What hockey hotties are missing from my list?

Image Credit: Posted by Francis Larrede on Flickr.

{September 24, 2008}   Hockey Team #2

Last night was the first game of my Aggie hockey season. And it felt so good to be back on the UBC ice1. And wearing my Aggies jersey! And doing the Aggie slide2!

Me, Kim & Danielle, showing off our jerseys, during my first run as an Aggiette hockey player.

Me, Kim & Danielle, showing off our jerseys, during my first run as an Aggiette hockey player.

I started my hockey career at age 263, when I was in grad school and, after watching how much fun the man who would later become my ex-husband had playing hockey, I decided I wanted to play hockey too. I told him my Christmas present was going to be hockey gear and he got me hockey lessons at Burnaby 8 Rinks for my 26th birthday. Then I joined the Aggies. One of the perks of being a student is that rec hockey is dirt cheap4, so even I could afford it on my starving student income. I met some really great friends over the years I played Aggie hockey, including my former roomie and the team captain when I started with the Aggies, Dani, and Kim, who now plays with me out in Coquitlam and who is the team captain of the Aggies this year5, 6. I learned a lot about playing hockey and I had a *tonne* of fun.

The year after I graduated, they tore down the UBC rinks7 to build shiny new ones for the Olympics, so there was no rec hockey. And then last year I didn’t get to play with the Aggies, since I wasn’t a faculty member in first term1 and when I became a faculty member in second term, I was sick for two months and so didn’t play with the Aggies (and probably shouldn’t have even been playing on the one team that I did play on at the time).  So, after a two year hiatus, I’m back in the Aggie hockey scene.  And, just to prove I mean business – I scored the first (and only) goal8 for our team in last night’s game! w00t w00t!

Also, I have to say that even though we didn’t win the game, we did pretty damn amazing for a team that’s never played together before, with a few players (including the goalie) that have never played a single game of hockey before last night!  You could actually see an improvement in us from the first period to the third period – people were picking up some skills, figuring out their positions and getting used to playing with one another.  Once we get in a few games together, I think we’ll be a force to be reckoned with!

On a bit of a tangent9, I’d like to point out that one of the teams in the rec league this year – a men’s team in the Elite division is called – and I’m not making this up – 2 Girls 1 Puck.

1I played one game in the new UBC arena – last September I thought I’d be allowed to play UBC Rec hockey because I was teachinga, but it turned out that since I was only teaching in term 2 (Jan-Apr), I wasn’t allowed to play in term 1 (Sept-Dec). Which we didn’t find out until the second game, so I played the first game of last year.
      aYou have to be either a student, staff or faculty member at UBC to be eligible to play in the rec league.
2The “Aggie slide” occurs after the game, after we shake hands with the other team, when the Aggies all skate across the rink and dive. One of the new girls on the team was really confused when we did this last night; afterwards she said, “I was like, “No! Don’t throw yourself in front of the zamboni!!”
3I believe it was when I was 26. I’m starting to get forgetful in my old age, so that might be off by +1 year.
4Compare: UBC Rec hockey fees for ~6 months (late Sept-Nov and Jan-Mar) are ~$80. To play out in Coquitlam for 7 months (Sept-Mar), I pay ~$650. Rec hockey is subsidized by the rec fees that all students pay along with their tuition fees, plus sponsorship from our Faculty since we are a Faculty team.
5Just to give you an idea what an amazingly organized person Kim is, not only did she recruit us a full roster of players for the Aggies, she coordinated an entire extra team full of players AND is recruiting refs for the league. And this on top of being a university student and a teaching assistant and rep for a number of professional organizations and playing with my team out in Coquitlam. Did I mention that she is crazy?
6Clearly, I like hanging around with the people with the power.
7I’m reasonably sure this is just a correlation, not causative.
8It may have been the garbage goal to end all garbage goals – the puck was dumped in to the opposing teams end and me and a (much taller than me) defencewoman were racing for the puck. The puck made it to the goalie before either of us got there and, instead of covering it up given that I was racing right towards here, she tried to poke it off to her right. Two problems with this plan: (a) the defencewoman turned to the goalie’s left as she approached the net and (b) her poke was more of a dribble, resulting in the puck sitting a few inches from the goal line, exactly in front of where I’m heading and the goalie standing dead still, sort of facing the wrong way. All I had to do was sweep the puck a couple inches, and bye bye shut out. The nice thing about garbage goals (which happen to be my specialty): they are worth just as many points as the pretty ones!
9Every time I hear (or see) “on a tangent” I always think “on a secant.” This goes back to high school math class, where we would also sing Ace of Base’sbI Saw the Sign” as “I Saw the Cosine” and where Sarah made the best joke about mistaken (trigonometric) identities.
      bMan, I’m really dating myself with that one.

… is being preempted by need to get a heck of a lot of work done tonight. Long story short: running a big event for work tomorrow, need to get a whole bunch of ideas for a workshop from my head to a PowerPoint file. And need to be there tomorrow by 7:30 in the a.m.  So you’ll just have to wait until next week to learn about the late great Andrew Charles Elliott, 4th Premier of the great province of British Columbia. I know. There, there. There, there.

To soften this devastating disappointment, I will share with you the funny things I read on the waiver I had to sign to play hockey at UBC:

ASSUMPTION OF RISKS I am aware that playing ice hockey and being involved in the Todd Ice Hockey League program involves many risks, dangers and hazards including, but not limited to: impact and collision with other players or officials; playing with or without non-certified officials; impact with objects or equipment used in connection with playing ice hockey; changes in the type of surface and the condition of each surface, including ice surface, hallways, shower facilities, stairs and change rooms; loss of balance;

Loss of balance?  Really?  We have to sign to say that we know we might lose our balance? On ice?  On skates? In a game where people push each other?  I know that lawyers write these things, but it feels like that’s something that should go without saying.

… failure to play safely within one’s own ability;

Again, it should be obvious that I am responsible for my own playing.  Do people really try to sue someone on the grounds that, “I wasn’t playing safely within my own ability!!”?

failure to play against others of equal stature or ability; theft; consumption of food and drink, whether made by professionals or by non-professionals; negligence of other participants; and NEGLIGENCE ON THE PART OF THE UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA OR THEIR STAFF INCLUDING THE FAILURE ON THE PART OF THE UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA OR THEIR STAFF TO SAFEGUARD OR PROTECT ME FROM THE RISKS, DANGERS AND HAZARDS OF PLAYING IN THE TODD ICE HOCKEY LEAGUE.

Again, I know it’s lawyers that write these things, but wouldn’t it just be better if people weren’t negligent?  And I didn’t add the ALL CAPS here.  Doesn’t that make it feel like they are telling you “WE PLAN TO BE NEGLIGENT!!!”?

And finally, doesn’t point #5 below seem incongruous with points 1-4?

1. TO WAIVE ANY AND ALL CLAIMS that I have or may in the future […] 2. TO HOLD HARMLESS AND INDEMNIFY THE RELEASEES from any and all liability for any damage to property of or personal injury{…] n3. This Agreement shall be effective and binding upon my heirs, next of kin, […] 4. This Agreement and any rights, duties and obligations as between the parties to this Agreement shall be governed by and interpreted solely in accordance with the laws of the Province of British Columbia and no other jurisdiction; and 5. Any litigation involving the parties to this Agreement shall be brought solely within the Province of British Columbia[…]

So points #1-4 say that I can’t sue anybody at UBC if anything happens to me at the arena, whether it’s during the game or if I slip in the shower, and nor can my family or friends should I happen to die… but point#5 says that if I sue, it has to be in BC.  Huh?

OK, I hope that little bit of waiver-y goodness can tide you over until tomorrow night when I’ll blog something much better.  No, really.  And wish me luck with my big event tomorrow!!

et cetera