Not To Be Trusted With Knives

{February 2, 2007}   January Wrap Up

Two things about January:

  1. I did, in fact, post something every single day in January. And twice on the 10th.
  2. The only game in the entire month of January where the Canucks didn’t get at least one point was on my birthday.

In other news, my future husband, Marc Chouinard, scored his second goal as a Canuck tonight. Danielle got to go to the game and I am just a wee bit jealous. I listened to the game on the radio and it sounded very, very exciting!

Also, the release date of the last Harry Potter book has been, uh, released. July 21, 2007! w00t!! When book 6 came out, I preordered it from Chapters* so that I would receive it on the day it came out… and I read it from cover to cover, starting from when the letter carrier put it into my hot little hands at about noon until I was done at about 3 am the next day, having only taken two breaks – one to walk to the store to buy diet Pepsi and one to make myself something to eat. I also rode my exercise bike for 6 hours that day… I would ride it for an hour while reading, then sit on the couch for an hour while reading, and then repeat. That made me feel like I wasn’t being a total sloth by just sitting still for 15 hours straight. Hmm… I don’t have that exercise bike anymore… will need to come up with a new method for July 21!

Yup, first post of Febrary = phoning it in.

*Also, if you pre-order right away, you get it for half price.


{January 28, 2007}   At The Grocery Store

As a nutritional scientist, I consider it my duty to assess the contents of other shoppers’s purchases when waiting in line at the grocery store checkout. The vast majority of the time, what people are buying is appallingly bad for you and I get to feel all smug and superior in a “what is this world coming to? why isn’t anyone buying any whole grain products??” kind of way.

Today, I’m standing in the line up at Safeway and a cute boy walks into the line up behind me and starts emptying his basket onto the conveyor belt thingy. Oh my god, he’s buying sprouted grain bread – not Wonder Bread! Look at that, he’s getting whole grain crackers! And oatmeal! And the eggs with the omega-3 fatty acids! And then I look at my pathetic order… frozen french fries; pre-manufactured veggie burgers; the cheapest, omega-3-less eggs they sell; a huge vat of salsa. Oh my god, does he see I’m buying the cheap eggs with artery clogging saturated fats in them? Is he judging my frozen french fries? I want to yell, “but I’m on my way to the produce store to buy my fresh fruits and veggies next! I swear! And I’m getting multigrain bread at the bakery on the next block! Honest!” I can’t even bring myself to look at him, lest his eyes tell me what he’s surely too polite to say aloud: “Your grocery order is pathetic.” Or perhaps not everyone is as critical as me about other people’s groceries. Or perhaps he wasn’t even looking at my order and he really was interested in the headline on that tabloid* he was looking at. Hard to say really.

It seems like there really should be some sort of grand conclusion to the posting, some moral to this story. But there isn’t.

*FYI, did you know that Katy Holmes has been turned into a Stepford wife?

{January 7, 2007}   That’s my boys!

I have been remiss in taking so long* to personally congratulate Canada’s World Junior Team on their gold medal**, with a victory over the Russian team. Way to go boys!

Special shout outs to defenceman Cody Franson and forward Kenndal McArdle who play for the Vancouver Giants:

And, of course, there is Taylor Pyatt’s baby brother Tom

A New York Rangers prospect*** who currently plays for the Saginaw Spirit, it’s hard to tell from this photo, but I think he might just have his brother Taylor’s beautiful blue eyes. He’s 5’11**** and shoots left or right, depending on if you believe Hockey Canada or Hockey’s Future, the online hockey prospect magazine*****. And, at the tender age of 19******, I think Tom’s young enough that I can mold him to my liking… most notably in the arena of not eating at Swiss Chalet.

*and by “so long,” I mean since they won the game yesterday morning.
**for the third year running! w00t!
***but I’m trying not to hold that against him.
****a good match for a girl who is, say, 5’0″, don’t you think?
*****personally, I believe Hockey Canada.
******turning 20 on Valentine’s Day, btw.

{December 11, 2006}   How To Drink From A Shot Syringe

I know you’ve all been waiting with baited breath for photos since I said that Kalev won a Turistas shot syringe, so I will keep you in suspense no longer.

Step One: pour your delicious beverage* into a receptacle

Step Two: suck up your delicious beverage into the syringe.

Step Three: smile maniacally for the camera.

Step Four: Enjoy!

Step Five: Repeat as many times as necessary until you acheived the desired results.

Variation: Using a red liquid makes it look even cooler.

Believe it or not, there were actually more people at this party than just Kalev and I. We just happened to be the only ones cool enough** to actually take shots from a syringe. And so we recruited Nathan, who I like to refer to as Mr. I’ll-do-another-shot-if-you’ll-do-another-shot. And here he is, putting his money where his mouth is.

There was also a very hilarious conversation that ensued from this whole proceeding that I couldn’t possible hope to reproduce in its entirety, but from which I now provide a few snippets that I can remember:

  • “Beth needs to learn to swallow”
  • “Go slower this time”
  • “You can’t always control it. Sometimes you just have to gulp”
  • “It’s not my fault you shot it all over my face!”

You know you wish you could attend the same parties as me.

*In this case, it was some sort of toffee flavoured liquor.
**This may be explained by the fact that most of the people there were engineers and they were too busy discussing mathematical formulae and, I kid you not, the Fibonacci sequence. Let me repeat that: they were discussing the Fibonacci sequence at a party.

{December 9, 2006}   Marky Marc

My one true love, Marc Chouinard, scored his first goal as a Canuck. I’m pretty sure it was because he heard that I had come to my senses and am soooo over Taylor Pyatt, that girlfriend-having, Swiss-Chalet-eating, hat-all-off-kilter-wearing nogoodnik and am now free to be all Marc’s. I predict we will be hearing a lot more from Mr. Chouinard, now that he can rest assured that I love him and only him.

Let’s all look at pictures of Marc and revel in his beauty:


{November 29, 2006}   I’m DEVASTATED!


Taylor Pyatt is… *sob*…. he’s…. *sob*…. he’s not single!!

I heard about this over at the Pink Seats. Which I am never reading again, btw.

I’ll just have to console myself with the new boy in town, Jesse Schultz. Jesse was called up from the Manitoba Moose to play in the big league. Jesse also happens to be 24, which is, coincidentally, my favourite age.

Isn’t he just adorable?

Jesse, if you are reading this, I know you are new in town, so why don’t you let me be your Vancouver tour guide? Call me!

And, of course, there is also still Marc Chouinard.

{November 17, 2006}   200

This is my 200th blog posting And in honour of this momentous occasion, I’m writing a 200 word blog entry. And each word is hyperlinked. The kicker is that each word may or may not be linked to something that is even remotely related to the word in question. Yes, I have too much time on my hands. And so do you if you are reading this.

My very first post was on 8 July 2005. Meaning that it took me four hundred and ninty-eight days to get to the 200th post. I think that my favourite title of any of my blog postings wasYet Another Reason That the PM is a Dickhead.” AlthoughExploding TrousersandIntimate Contact with Chickensare also good. Necromouse remains the coolest photo on the blog (although me riding the mechanical bull seems to get rave reviews for some reason) and I will always have a special place in my heart for the PhDizzle posting. I still can’t decide if I should rename my blog to something cooler thanThesis Writing Was Hell.” I’m still rather partial to The Total Perspective Vortex, but I’m not sold on it.

Also, Taylor Pyatt.

The End

When we last left our heroine*, she was stuck in the world of detox diet, eating apples and rice cakes and totally jonesing for a diet Pepsi. Before I started the detox, I thought that the whole idea was bunk. After having tried it, I’m thinking it’s bunk. On the plus side, it kept me off the sauce for 12 whole days. Also on the plus side, we made some wicked delicious foods.

Now, my roommate and I are totally foodies. We once spent an entire evening at her friend Sheila’s place talking about nutrition and trading recipes. We once made her little brother walk around a grocery store while we read nutrition labels on all the food packages… for fun**. So we spent our 12 days of detox coming up with new and exciting dishes. I felt like I spent the better part of the week chopping vegetables, as seen here:

But check out how good these foods look!

Green beans, carrots and almonds. Seven-layer veggie casserole. You know you are jealous.

And even crepes made with spelt! And roasted apples, pears & berries!

By the end of the 12 days, I was pretty much just sticking to the program out of sheer stubbornness***. But I did it – 12 days with no black tea, no alcohol, no added sugar or salt, no bread products, no mushrooms, no tropical fruit and no sweet sweet diet Pepsi. At 12:07 am on Saturday, I ate a dark chocolate Turtle**** to celebrate the end of the detox. Saturday morning meant a trip to Cobs Bread for breakfast. And a Timmy Ho coffee. But the big retoxification began at dinner… as you may recall, the retox plan involved Nevermind, a portobello mushroom burger and a bellini served in a fishbowl. Apparently Nevermind didn’t receive the memo. My hopes were dashed when the cute waiter told me, “the bellini isn’t frozen.” So I had to make due with a Surfer on Acid*****, a Jail Bait******, a Strongbow cider and, of course, the precious precious beer, courtesy of Taylor Pyatt. Unfortunately, he didn’t actually purchase said beer himself. For you see, he was playing hockey at the time. And I was watching said hockey game on the big ass screens they have a Nevermind. In addition to big ass screens, Nevermind also has a “player of the game.” And if said “player of the game” scores a goal, everyone in the bar gets a free beer. And guess who was the “player of the game”? And guess who scored a goal? That’s right, Taylor Pyatt contributed to my retoxification, and he hasn’t even met me. Yet.

You can see me drinking my Taylor Pyatt beer and gazing intently at Taylor Pyatt here:

*not our herion.

**her little brother most definitely disagreed with us on the funness level of this activity.

***I have been known to be somewhat stubborn. In fact, when my PhD supervisor was considering taking me into her lab, she called my MSc supervisor to ask what I was like. Apparently he told her I was stubborn. Fortunately, she considered this to be a good thing and took me in anyway.

****We were watching Into the Blue at Kalev’s house and he generously donated a Turtle to the cause as I had left the Ferrero Rochers that I bought for just this purpose at my house, thinking the movie would be over and I would be home well before midnight. Thanks Kalev!

*****While this link to will tell you that a Surfer on Acid is Jäg, Malibu & pineapple juice, a Surfer on Acid at Nevermind also includes Red Bull. And you know how I feel about Red Bull and Jäg.

******or two. You know how I love jail bait. I can’t seem to find a link to a recipe for Jail Bait anywhere on the internets. I google searched “jail bait drink,” but you can imagine how that turned out. A Jail Bait at Nevermind was Stoli Razberi, peach liqueur and 7up. Good times.

{November 10, 2006}   Driver Wanted
Who wants to drive me to Abbotsford next Saturday?

Public Player Appearances!

The Vancouver Canucks will be sending five players out to the community on Saturday, November 18th to sign autographs!

Saturday, November 18, 2006
Taylor Pyatt
Save On Foods – Abbotsford (300 – 32700 South Fraser Way, Clearbrook)
2:30pm – 3:30pm

Saturday, November 18, 2006
Alex Burrows
Save On Foods – South Point, Surrey/White Rock (3033 – 152nd St, Surrey)
2:30pm – 3:30pm

Saturday, November 18, 2006
Rory Fitzpatrick
Save On Foods – Metrotown/Station Square (6100 McKay Ave, Burnaby)
2:00pm – 3:00pm

Saturday, November 18, 2006
Ryan Kesler
Save On Foods – Nordel Crossing (12130 Nordel Way, Surrey)
2:30pm – 3:30pm

Saturday, November 18, 2006
Willie Mitchell
Shopper’s Drug Mart – Metrotown, Burnaby
2:00pm – 3:00pm

Please note:
All player appearances are open to the first 160 people in attendance. These 160 individuals will each receive a voucher that can be redeemed for one autograph.

{November 7, 2006}   Updates and Suchlike

Taylor Pyatt scored the winning goal tonight. Is there anything he can’t do? *sigh*

My good luck in the free movie department appears to be contagious – my roommate won tickets to see a movie (Little Children). I heart Videomatica.

It’s day 8 of the detox diet. I miss diet Pepsi so much. On the plus side, I’ve discovered that almond butter is delish on apples. I may or may not have a plan to celebrate the end of the detox that involves Nevermind, a portobello mushroom burger and a bellini served in a fishbowl. Yes, that’s 32 oz of bellini. And yes Nevermind, where they give free shots to anyone sitting at the bar whenever the Canucks score*.

Also, Shalu is my BFF. She knows why. I heart Shalu.

My mom and sister are coming to visit me in just over two weeks! Yay mom & sister! It is my mom’s 60th birthday in 6 days. I think that means I’m old.

*apparently I’m planning to re-toxify my body, which I spent 12 days detoxing, in the space of about 3 hours.

{November 6, 2006}   Canuck Hotness

Thanks to the fine women at The Pink Seats, I have found a new Canuck hottie whose babies I might like to carry. I have been remiss in noticing the hotness of one Marc Chouinard, the 6’5″ centre.

See what I mean? Hottie! Plus, he’s the only Canuck who has been confirmed as being single (I think Taylor‘s relationship status is listed as “?” because the word on the street is that he’s in love with me).

Taylor and Marc, if you are googling your names and come across my blog, I have one word for you. It starts with a “t” and ends with a “hreesome”. Call me.

{October 24, 2006}  

Once upon a time, I defended a Ph.D. And at that time, some wicked cool awesome people gave me some money to buy myself a digital camera in celebration of said defence. Well, I’ve finally gotten off my butt, done some research and figured out which digicam I wanted. And I bought it on the internets, which was actually cheaper than buying it in a nonline store. Isn’t it beautiful?

And here is the first photo that I took with my new camera*:

Note: I’m still waiting on the high speed memory card that I ordered to go with the camera, so there is a bit of a delay between the time I press the button and the time at which the camera actually takes the picture. Just enough time that one’s roommate might lift her cup of tea up in front of her face, for example.

In other news, I’ve surpassed the 10,000 hit mark on my blog! Now, I know that some of you hit the 10,000 marks AGES ago. Some get 10,000 hits a day. But I’m still happy with my 10,000+ hits and I thought I’d give a shoutout to the lurkers who read my blog but never comment** and to the randoms who stumble onto this blog accidentally… those people who I only know come around here thanks to my trusty StatCounter. Like the person from Nice, France who was googling for “sarah mautalen”… I’m sorry you wasted 24 seconds on my blog, I don’t know who Sarah Mautalen is. To the chap from merry old England who googled “Oilers gong show” – I couldn’t agree more***. And to the person from Nanaimo, BC who was googling “picutres of Leanne Domi,” – yes, she does, in fact, look like Belinda Stronach’s twin… glad I could be of some assistance in your search. To the individual in Switzerland who googled “shoes destroy” – I just don’t even know what to say to you! And to the person from Surrey, BC who wants to know if Taylor Pyatt is married…. he is. He’s married to me and I am having his babies – so back off!

And, finally, I have been remiss!! It is now October 24th and I haven’t yet posted a birthday wish to Therese! And her birthday was October 22nd!! I suck!!! Fortunately, she was off galvanting in England, so hopefully did not notice my remiss-ness. So now, I offer you 30 birthday wishes:

Happy Birthday, Therese!
Happy Birthday, Therese!

Happy Birthday, Therese!
Happy Birthday, Therese!

Happy Birthday, Therese!
Happy Birthday, Therese!

Happy Birthday, Therese!
Happy Birthday, Therese!

Happy Birthday, Therese!
Happy Birthday, Therese!

Happy Birthday, Therese!
Happy Birthday, Therese!

Happy Birthday, Therese!
Happy Birthday, Therese!

Happy Birthday, Therese!
Happy Birthday, Therese!

Happy Birthday, Therese!
Happy Birthday, Therese!

Happy Birthday, Therese!
Happy Birthday, Therese!

Happy Birthday, Therese!
Happy Birthday, Therese!

Happy Birthday, Therese!
Happy Birthday, Therese!

Happy Birthday, Therese!
Happy Birthday, Therese!

Happy Birthday, Therese!
Happy Birthday, Therese!

Happy Birthday, Therese!
Happy Birthday, Therese!

Yay! It was Therese’s Birthday!

Hope you had a great day, EZ-T!

*The popping of my camera’s cherry, if you will.

**You should comment, dammit! All the cool kids are doing it!

***Unless you had googled “Calgary Flames gong show”… then I could agree more!

{October 17, 2006}   Ten Things

1. I’ve found a new love. His name is Taylor Pyatt and I’ve got his number*. He scored last night and I predict he will be scoring a lot in the future. He looks a little goofy in the photo on the Canucks website, but this is what he really looks like:

Look at those beautiful eyes. When I have his babies (as is my custom with Canucks whose on-ice performance pleases me), those babies will have hellava beautiful eyes. Come to mama, Taylor, come to mama.

2. I saw a real live cougar at the gym today. Prowling around amongst free weights, stalking the the muscle-bound boys like a lion stalks gazelle through the African savanna. Leathery skin. Leopard print spandex shorts**. Hoop earrings and 4 or 5 necklaces. Who the hell wears jewellery to workout? Cougars, that’s who.

3. Speaking of the gym… I know that Lucas, the “fitness specialist” who oriented me to the gym, is only being so friendly because he’s trying to get me to sign up for a real membership once my free 2-week membership is over, but it doesn’t stop me from liking how friendly and chatty he is with me. It’s not like I can’t see through the fact that they have the cute boys orient the new female gym patrons (and, I’m sure, they have the cute girls orient the new male gym patrons***)… in fact, I predicted that he would be totally cute even before I went. But I still like it.

3. I spent the evening sorting through photos, newspaper clippings, concert & movie tickets, and various other paraphernalia that needs to be put into scrapbooks. I haven’t put a single thing in a scrapbook for over 6 years, so you can imagine the piles of papers that I have sitting around my living room floor right now****. I’ve even had to email people to figure out when some of the photos were taken*****.

4. I have noted, from going through these six-plus years worth of photos, that I have an inordinate number of photos of people at the Naam.

5. I enjoyed my 5K run so much that I think I’m going to run a 10K. In fact, think I will run this 10K.

6. I’m going to a Halloween beer garden, but I don’t know what I should dress up as. Any ideas for a costume for me?

7. I bought this coffee, which was on sale at Stong’s. It’s a fair-trade, organic coffee from Bolivia called Café La Paz and it is wicked awesome good.

8. If you worked at Aeroplan and you received a letter, with supporting documentation, from someone who wanted their name changed and wanted “Dr.” to appear on their Aeroplan card, but they didn’t even remember to put their Aeroplan account number in the letter, would you think they were an airhead?

9. I haven’t been to a wedding since Sarah & Dave got married back in 2004, but I’m invited to two weddings next year******. And for a little while I was worried they would both be on the same weekend, but they are, in fact, on back-to-back weekends. Which will be perfect if I have actually gotten a job and moved away by then, as I will be able to make one trip to Vancouver for both weddings.

10. Is it wrong for a nutritional scientist to be eating toaster waffles at 1 in the morning? They have flax seeds in them, so that should count for something, right?

*His number is 9. Which is the same number as I have on my ball hockey jersey.

**I’m not making this up. She honest-to-goodness was wearing freakin’ leopard print spandex shorts!

***Which, of course, is rather heterocentric of them.

***Which, I am sure, is in no way annoying to my roommate or her best friend who is visiting this week. Yes, that’s right, there are three girls staying in a one bedroom apartment. Most surprisingly, it totally works for us. Thank goodness that we are all very, very easy going.

****I’m sure my friends won’t find it strange at all to receive emails that say “hey Tom, when the hell were you here?” and “hey Kaede, what year did you spend Christmas with me?”

******Shalu & Deepak and Erika & Paul. Yay for cool people who are getting married to cool people!

et cetera