Not To Be Trusted With Knives











{January 9, 2009}   Ouch

I slipped on an icy sidewalk on the way to work this morning:IMG_4488 by you.

What makes it even worse was that I *just* bought those nylons!  And they weren’t cheap!  Fortunately, they were thigh highs, so I only have to replace one leg and not throw out the whole pair.  And now my left knee can have a nice scar to match my right knee. Besides, it definitely could have been worse – one of my co-workers slipped on the ice in the parking lot on the way into work this morning and broke her ankle!

Also, in the interest of full disclosure,  I would like to point out that even though I scraped the hell out of my knee, I did manage to not spill my coffee.  One my keep their priorities straight.

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{September 29, 2008}   Stupidest Tongue Injury Ever

Picture it. I’m sitting in my office, chewing some gum and, out of nowhere, I bite my tongue. But not only do I bite my tongue – oh no, that wouldn’t be ridiculous enough. I bite my tongue so hard that it bleeds. Profusely.

You’d think that with 31 years experience, I’d be able to have my own tongue in my own mouth without biting it.  You’d think.

I would like to point out, in case you are ever considering biting your tongue so hard that it bleeds, that it’s very difficult to put pressure on one’s tongue in order to stop profuse bleeding.  I mean, I grabbed a tissue and applied pressure, but then the tissue just all sticks to your tongue and it’s all “Ick, I’m eating a Kleenex now!  A bloody Kleenex from my profusely bleeding tongue.”

Also from the too much information department, some photos of said injury:

Today’s episode of stupidity has been brought to you by the letter I1

1as in, I am a jackass.



{August 28, 2008}   Knee Injury Update

Today on the bus, a guy tapped me on the shoulder1 and said, “You know what would clear that knee up? Turmeric. You know, the spice?” Um, ok. I actually thought my knee was healing quite nicely.

One day after the epic knee scraping

One day after the epic knee scraping

After 13 days of healing

After 13 days of healing

And really, what would help it clear up is refraining from picking at the scab2.

1I was listening to my iPod at the time, so he to do this to get my attention.
2Too much information?



{June 10, 2008}   Beth fall down go boom

So I’m leaving the theatre after watching a sneak preview of Young People Fucking1 with Kalev2 yesterday and I feel the heel of my super sexy boots slide right out from under me. And I try to not fall, which only succeeds in extending the length, extravagance and (I’m sure to the onlooker) hilarity, of the fall. And I scraped my knee. =(

And here is the culprit:

The little rubber piece on the heel is totally worn away. As it turns out, beneath the little rubber piece on your heel is some sort of uber-slippery plastic. Which, when it comes in contact with a slick movie theatre lobby floor, makes it like you are walking on a sheet of black ice. =(

I suppose I need to take the boots in to have them re-heeled. It seems like I have to do that a lot. Case in point: I bought my shiny black heels just over a year ago and had to have them re-heeled about 6 months after buying them, as the little rubber piece had been completely worn away. (And it’s not like I wear them *every* day. I’d say I wear this pair about 2-3 days per week). And now, they need re-heeling again:

The rubber piece on the heel is so worn away that the little metal posts inside the heel is exposed!

Needing re-heeling on a pair of shoes twice in 15 months seems rather excessive to me. I was telling my friend Alicia about this today and she says that she has the same problem. “It’s because you actually walk places!” she said. People who drive places don’t really wear out their heels because they barely walk on them. Bus riders like us walk several blocks from bus stop to office and so wear out our shoes. Which make sense, I guess. And it’s nice to know that I’m not the only heel-wearing-out freak. But now I feel like I should take a poll.

What about you, my heel-wearing blog readers? How long do your shoes last before you wear out your heels?

1An absolutely fabulous movie, btw, which you should all go and see. Hilarious! Srsly, watch the preview.
2 That’s “Young People Fucking,” that I watched with Kalev3 . Not to be mistaken for “Young People Fucking with Kalev.” That, I hear, will be the sequel.
3Did I mention that Kalev acquired the pass to said sneak preview? No? Damn, I better revise this posting so he doesn’t bitch me out for not mentioning him! =P



Oh well, it’s better than the times I accidentally stabbed myself in the finger with hypodermic needles in the lab.



{July 17, 2007}   Stupidest Toe Injury Ever

Today, on the way to work. My flip flop flipped when it should have flopped and, as a result, my big toe scraped along the ground, taking a big chunk out of it in the process.

This incident of stupidity has been brought to you by the letter J1

1as in, I am a jackass.



et cetera