Not To Be Trusted With Knives











{October 6, 2008}   So I got *another* Conservative brochure in the mail…

… perhaps they heard that I no longer had the first one and felt that I needed another.

This time, I figured I would burn it:

Burn FAIL!  The damn brochure, which one would think was made of paper, wouldn’t burn.

So I decided to try again, this time with a little help from our old friend, rubbing alcohol1:

As you can see, the heat of the flames was overwhelming! But guess what happened:

That’s right, the rubbing alcohol burned away, leaving the paper virtually unscathed!! My best theory on why this is so is that these brochures are made by the spawn of Satan in the 7th layer of Hell, and thus must be constructed from flame resistant materials.

As I type this, the brochure is now sitting in a pan full of vinegar, where it will stay overnight:

Tomorrow, we’ll see how it looks.

1Me moving the bottle back and forth is my unsuccessful attempt to get my lame ass camera to focus on the rubbing alcohol label. Focus FAIL!

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Demonweed says:

Last I checked, the Dark Lord was too preoccupied with the legends of blues and rock guitar to be bothered mucking about with 21st century politics. I believe that function falls into Beezlebert’s portfolio. He’s surprisingly unimaginative for a fallen angel, but he is such a hard worker! The rest of the unholy horde does have a soft spot for the energetic pup. Police state surveillance, torture of helpless captives, war for war’s sake — it was all so unoriginal, but he made it all happen in just a few years.

This invulnerable campaign literature stunt shows that the fledgling is starting to spread his wings at last. If this mortal coil should ever bear witness to the horrors of a McCain-Harper summit, look for li’l ol’ ‘Bert in the crowd there. He’ll be the one with the biggest smile and the blandest necktie.

In any case, I advise trying a drop of holy water before the next combustion trial. If that does not work, consider the addition of a high performance oxidizing agent (and appropriately rigorous safety protocols.) I have every confidence that the power is within you to vanquish this most evil of contemporary brochures.



shihtzustaff says:

Too funny!



OMG… that made me howl. You rock.



Jorge says:

You need to soak it in the alcohol for a while if you want it to burn.

Oh vinegar…

Many a fry will be saddened by this loss of tasty resource, but all for a good cause.



[…] To Be Trusted With Knives {October 7, 2008}   Conservative Brochure #2 – Update As promised, I let the brochure of evil soak in vinegar1 – and not just overnight, but for a full 24 […]



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