Not To Be Trusted With Knives











{August 29, 2008}   Spam of the Day

Just got this spam in my work email:

I AM A SEAMAN SEEKING YOUR CONSENT TO TRANSFER MY COMMISSION OF ($25,5M) TO YOU FOR SAFE KEEP.I SHALL COMPENSATE YOU WITH 40% OF THIS FUND, WHEN RECEIVED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT, SEND YOUR FULL NAMES,PHONE NUMBERS.AND CONTACT ADDRESS FOR PROCESSING OF THE FUND IN YOUR NAME BY THE OIL COMPANY

SINCERELY YOURS

KARL NEWE

Tee hee. He said “seaman.”

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On my recent trip to San Fran, I found myself yet again flipping through the SkyMall magazine. While I was slightly disappointed that they didn’t have any new products as good as the branding iron for your dinner or the all cookie diet or the tailgate party slings, it was still rife with ridiculousness. The guy sitting next to me on the plane seemed to think I was quite strange, sitting there laughing to myself and ripping pages out of SkyMall. See the things I do for you?

First up, we have these toys:

Extra points to that one for referring to the mobility-impaired elderly using the word “cripple.”

Tired of not looking like an idiot when you sleep? Why not try the Spacesleeper Travel Pillow?

It’s like sleeping with a zero IQ!

Have way too much time on your hands and no friends? Why not spend the next year of your life trying to solve this crossword puzzle?

Also from the land of ridiculously large things, there’s this inflatable TV screen:

Because, you know, if a TV screen can fit inside your house, it’s just not big enough.

And this next one is just dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty.

And finally, from the Humiliating Your Pets category, we have such fine products as:

Doesn’t this dog really look like she’s “enjoying her privacy”? No, really. She doesn’t look like she’s serving 25-to-life. Not at all.

When not trapping your dog in an undersized jail cell, why not let her look through this lovely porthole:

I’m sure the other dogs won’t laugh at her.

And finally, there’s a solution for those of you who have been wishing that your dog could take a shit in the house. Seriously. I’m not making this up.



et cetera