Not To Be Trusted With Knives











{August 11, 2008}   I HATE wearing my glasses

I know it’s only been 3 days of glasses wearingness, but I have to reiterate that I HATE wearing my glasses.

  • They aren’t the correct prescription, so I have trouble reading things like, say, street signs when I’m on the bus, making figuring out my stop a little challenging.
  • They are kind of scratched up, making them extra hard to see through.
  • They don’t sit properly on my face because the arms are bent, making them crooked, which makes me look even worse than if I were just wearing non-crooked glasses, which is already bad enough.
  • They do not protect my eyes when I cut onions, which I was painfully reminded of this last night when I was cooking dinner.  When I wear contacts, they make me eye-invincible to the painful, tear-producing evil that is chopping onions.  Glasses leave my eyeballs naked and, thus, vulnerable to the onions.
  • They get in the way – you have to take your glasses off when you get dressed. Or brush your hair – but then, of course, you can’t see how your hair looks when you are brushing it!
  • Alternating between my glasses & my prescription sunglasses is a right pain the butt. When I wear contacts, if I’m going in and outdoors repeatedly (such as when I  go window shopping along Broadway), I merely have to put my sunglasses on top of my head when I enter the (relatively) dark store, then pop them down onto my face when I go back in the sunshine.  When I’m wearing glasses, every time I go into a store, I have to reach into my bag, find my glasses’ case, and then swap my sunglasses for my regular glasses. And then vice versa when I leave the store to go back out into the sunshine.  Pain. In. The. Butt.
  • It’s not a problem right now, but I remember from back in my youth, before I first got contacts, that wearing glasses in the winter sucked because your glasses always steam up when you go inside.
  • I don’t look like me in my glasses – I can’t even tell you how many people at the AdHack Launch Party on Friday said, “I didn’t recognize you with your glasses on!”

There is, however, one benefit to wearing glasses: It gives you the opportunity to do the sexy “holding glasses up to your mouth” pose:

Is it time for my laser eye surgery, yet?

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Dan says:

I think I love wearing glasses as much as you hate wearing them. For one, they act as a great accessory for the face. And given my pale facedness, my face needs all the help it can get. My glasses have the added bonus of hiding (albeit not completely) the darkness that collects under my eyes. Granted, I am in a situation where contacts are not an option for me so it’s a great thing that I love glasses. It’s a scientific fact* that if you take a room full of hotties, add glasses to just one member of that hottie-posse, the overall hotness factor of that room increases exponentially. In particular, the glasses wearing lovely instantly become 1 billion-jillion times hotter. I also love this type of ‘science’.

* Note: the word ‘fact’ has been used in a manner similar to that used by certain political leaders, religious extremists and creationists.



Beth says:

This is also the form of science that has proven that cookies that are broken have no calories, because the calories leak out.



Kalev says:

I hate wearing your glasses, too! 😛 They’re way too small for my face and for some reason they make things really hard to see.



gillicious says:

What I hate about glasses, most of all, is that when you wake up in the mornings and your glasses aren’t on the bedside table, how the hell are you supposed to find them if you can’t see? Man, the number of times I’ve crawled around my apartment, pressing my face up against surfaces, trying to find the damn things…

On the other hand, maybe glasses are a good idea. My blog gets a lot of google traffic for “sexy librarian”.



Beth says:

Oooh, maybe now I’ll get google traffics for “sexy librarian” too. Sexy librarian! Sexy librarian! SEXY LIBRARIAN!!

My glasses are almost always on my bedside table when I wake up, because I can’t find my way to my bed without having them on. But on the rare occasion when I misplace them, I have to walk around with my hands outstretched, tapping surfaces and hoping to feel them, because there’s no chance in hell that I’ll see them.

I think the funniest, though, is when I fall asleep with my glasses on. I’ll wake up, automatically reach for my glasses and when I can’t find them, I’ll freak out trying to find them… despite the fact that I can actually see and thus must be wearing them.



AOM says:

Onions into the freezer 15 minutes or so before you want to chop = no tears. If I forget to do this, I skip the onions in my cooking. My eyes burn and tear up so badly I need to stick my eyes under the faucet and run cold water over them. Fun times!

Oh, and excuse my laughing uncontrollably at your blind man’s grope for your glasses.



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