Not To Be Trusted With Knives











{December 18, 2007}   Why Do I Find This Hard to Believe?

Just received this message in my Facebook inbox:

Attention all Facebook membeRs.

Facebook is recently becoming very overpopulated,There have been many
members complaining that Facebookis becoming very slow.Record shows that the
reason isthat there are too many non-active Facebook membersAnd on the other
side too many new Facebook members.We will be sending this messages around to
see if theMembers are active or not,If you’re active please sendto other users
using Copy+Paste to show that you are activeThose who do not send this message
within 2 weeks,The user will be deleted without hesitation to create more
space,If Facebook is still overpopulated we kindly ask for donations but until
then send this message to all your friends and make sure you sendthis message to
show me that your active and not deleted.

Founder of Facebook
Mark Zuckerberg

  • Call me crazy, but don’t we all know that Facebook tracks everything you do and has a wealth of information on our every move? Why would they need me to send an email and then have to check every email to see if this specific one had been sent to see if my account is “active”? Don’t they already know that I’ve posted on your wall, bit your zombie and Scrabbled your Scrabulous?
  • And isn’t Facebook keeping every piece of data ever entered for some nefarious, but as of yet unspecified, reason? Why would they make me sign over the rights to my every status update, book preference, top friend, picture and first born child only to then want to delete it?
  • Isn’t the whole point of Facebook to have as many people on it as possible? Why would they want to delete people? More people on Facebook = more ad revenue, no?
  • Speaking of revenue, you really expect us to believe that Facebook wants donations?
  • And what gives with the weird capitalizations and punctuation errors?

OK, clearly, I have way too much time on my hands today. It’s not like I’m leaving on a jet plane tonight and haven’t packed, wrapped my presents or planned the course I have to start teaching in January.1

1I had a nightmare on Sunday about this. I was in my classroom for my first lecture and I hadn’t prepared and I had NO idea what I was supposed to be teaching. Perhaps I sign that I should learn the stuff I’m supposed to be teaching, eh?

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Rebecca says:

Ahhh… I remember the days when it was “Hotmail” and “MSN” instead of Facebook.



Anonymous says:

You’re a prof? What class? Seriously I want to take it. You’d be the
best. lecturer. ever.
I now feel like I’ve been ripped off in the professor department my whole university career.



Darren Barefoot says:

Er, are you sure that’s not just devious spam? I recently got an email on FB from a ‘Mark Fuckerberg’. No relation, I assume.



Beth says:

Ya, I’m pretty sure it is devious spam. Although I’m not sure what the benefit of it is to the spammer. Unless they just get off on seeing how many people will be afraid enough to pass this on.



the_exile says:

Well I have no idea as to why, but the answer to that last question is a lot. I just deleted multiple copies. It seems facebook is the new place for all these email hoaxes to have a new lease of life. Sigh.



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