Not To Be Trusted With Knives











{October 21, 2007}   Behind the Visor

For years, I’ve been using a visor on my hockey helmet that doesn’t fit properly1. In fact, I’ve been using it since I started playing hockey almost 5 years ago. It was a handy-me-down from my ex – he didn’t like playing with a full face shield, so got himself a half visor and I acquired the ill-fitting full one2. After 4 years of hockey, this visor is now scratched all to hell and it’s always fogged up something terrible. And, really, when you think about it, it’s probably not the best idea to have your safety equipment jury-rigged together. So I finally broke down and bought my own properly fitting visor.

Attaching said visor to my helmet, however, was no small feat. I mean, look at these directions:

instructions

Aside from the fact the chart that tells you if this visor will actually fit your particular helmet is *inside* the packaging (meaning you don’t know for sure until you buy it if it’s going to fit), you seem to need an engineering degree to assemble this damn thing. They appear to have one set of instructors for like 5 different types of visors, so it’s all “For concept II protectors (type 1 and 2), thread the chin strap through the chin cup and face protector as shown in figures 2 and 4.” And I’m all “mine is what concept? what type? whose figure? My cat’s breath smells like cat food.” I mean, for crying out loud, you need a 3 part picture, with multiple arrows, just to loop the chinstrap through the side of the visor:

instructions2

… and that’s before you even start attaching screws and clips and suchlike. Speaking of which, does anyone have any idea what these screws are for?

screws

Because they were left over when I was done and I don’t see anything in the instructions saying what I was supposed to have done with them.

Anyway, although it did take much longer that I expected, by some miracle I seem to have attached the new visor to the helmet in enough time to actually blog this before I have to go pick up my co-op car for tonight’s game.

Also, I’m fighting off a cold, so I’ve affixed some warning signs to my water bottle:

IMG_2756

IMG_2760

Hockey players tend to drink out of any bottle on the bench and, since I’d hate to get any more people sick than I’ve already infected, I figured a couple of bright purple signs will help.

1It’s an adult-sized visor and all my equipment is junior boys.
2I’m of the opinion that this face is far too pretty not to have full protection.

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