Not To Be Trusted With Knives











{October 17, 2007}   Now I have two, two ouchies!
So I come home from Third Tuesday last night and, realizing that a Bellini and a few nachos do not a dinner make1, I decide to cook some pizza. Now, since I lack a proper oven mitt2, I took the pizza out of the oven using a dish towel. A very thin dish towel. And when I discover3 that it’s rather hot and going to burn me through said dish towel, what do I do? I touch the damn cookie sheet with the index finger of my other hand, like as if I’m going to grab it with my bare hand because it’s too hot to hold with a dish towel. Ya, that’s right, skin directly on metal.

So now I have a burnt index finger to go with middle finger that I slammed the door on the day before. I think I may have burnt my fingerprint right off my finger. I’m now contemplating going on a crime spree in which I commit said crimes with only my left index finger, since they won’t be able to get any prints.

So, yes, now I have two, two ouchies! The Count would be proud.

In a tangentially related story, when we were little, my sister was afraid to go in the basement because she believed the Count, who she was afraid of, lived in the drier in the laundry room. Which is funny, because it would have made more sense to be afraid of those things that really did live in the basement.

1For the record, I was planning to get something to eat, but the people at 3T were too fascinating and I got all caught up in conversations and didn’t get around to actually ordering any food.
2Note to self: put “oven mitt” on Christmas wish list.
3I say “discover” like I really didn’t know that when taking a cookie sheet out of a 450 degree oven the cookie sheet is going to be, well, 450 degrees.
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Anonymous says:

BETH! Sorry to hear about all your injuries. I think you need a padded apartment 😛

Tell your sister that I was TOTALLY convinced a ‘bad guy’ lived in our dryer in the basement. But I wasn’t very creative and called ‘Dryer Guy’. To this day, my parents ask me about him EVERY time I go downstairs. Jen



Beth says:

I *totally* need a padded apartment!

And I *LOVE* that his name was Dryer Guy! As you will see from the comments I’m about to transfer over here from Facebook, it turns out that the Count actually lived in our washer.



Beth says:

So, I import all my blog posts into Facebook and the comments on this posting left there are way too hilarious to not share to the whole wide world, so I’m doing some cutting and pasting here. Enjoy!

Dan

Wow – so many comments! Where to begin?

Comment the first: WIth 2 ouchies, this should take your mind off your ankle. I guess that’s a silver lining, although, as far as silver linings go, this one blows.

Comment the second: I happened to love the Count as a child. I still do. Maybe that means I’m still a child.

Comment the third: (Actually a question) Why was your sister afraid of the Count? Is she afraid of all things numbery?

Comment the fourth: (Another question) Is it really a big surprise, given that I loved the Count as a child that I should grow up to be a math/stat nerd?

Comment the fifth: I think a Bellini and nachos should qualify as dinner – just have MORE of them when you do.

Comment the last: Possible crime spree names: Pokey McGee (goes well with Limpy McGee), One Finger Trigger Happy McGoo, Shakey Finger, or The Finger. Possible crime sprees: Eye Poking Massacre, FInger Wagging Melee, All-Elevator-Button-Pressing Free-for-all.

K. I’m done.
D

Nancy

It was actually the washer. But him coming out of the dryer would of terrified me equal to the terror of the envisioned washer crawl. It’s kind of like the girl coming out of the TV in Ringu.

I got Madeline a slew of books from a garage sale and one of them was Sesame Street nursery rhymes from the 70’s. One of the last one’s has the Count in it with the Countesses? Who the hell is the Countess. SHE IS EVEN CREEPIER.

To further this tangent and really geek out, there was this episode on Angel that was about demons disguised as puppets from this kids show that sucked energy out of kids by making them touch the TV screen. When I first saw it I was like OMG it’s my worst nightmare, I don’t think I can watch this. And the dog puppet made me think of Beth because he liked writing songs for the show about math. And he was blue. And Beth likes blue.

Beth

Dan – You know, I never really thought about, but Nancy IS afraid of numbery. Perhaps being afraid of the Count as a child is predictive of adult mathphobia, whereas loving the Count as a child is predictive that one will grow up to become a mathematician/statistician. My preliminary research (n=2) supports this hypothesis. Now I need to write a grant proposal to pursue this line of inquiry.

Nance – I’ve been telling that story for 30 years and I have *always* said that the Count lived in the dryer. This revelation has turned my world completely upside down! Also, I *totally* need to read that Count & Countess book with Madeline when I’m there in December!

Nancy

It was a top load washers, and a dryer is front load. Watching the count come to get you after clumsily struggling to get out didn’t (at the time) hold the same as him crawling off the top. Although as stated before, if it really happened I’d be freaked out no matter where he cam from. And what’s worse is I always envision him half way out, like he was on his way to get me. Not that I appeared in the basement, he sensed me, and started to come for me. He ALREADY was coming for me.

And I don’t think it’s unnatural for a tiny child to be afraid of a vampire. I mean lets couple an undead creature with math. Maybe I would of been fantastic with math and math related items if he’d been a unicorn.

I now also think that the reason the Count was Moms favourite is because she didn’t want me to be afraid of him. I wonder what her real favourite is?

Beth

I didn’t know the Count was Mom’s favourte… and I thought it was the dryer, not the washer… my god, where was I for our whole childhood?

Speaking of scary things in the basement, do you remember the year Gremlins came out and Mom & Dad didn’t bother to take the Christmas tree down, they just shoved it in the laundry room, decorations and all, and everytime we went into the basement, we totally thought Gremlins were going to jump out of the Christmas tree like they did in the movie?

Nancy

How could I not? Not the best year to skip housekeeping eh?

Decorations and all..I just remember the tree, no decorations. Where the hell was I?

Beth

I could be making that up in my head.



tanya (aka netchick) says:

Hey Beth! Thanks for coming by my blog! I’ll definitely have to blogroll you.

Glad you enjoyed 3T enough to forget dinner 😉

Hope to see you at December’s 3T if we have one (not sure if that’ll work given the season, but we’ll try!) (and, I’m flying the 20th to Europe, so Tod’ll be taking over full-on!)

Cheers!
Tanya



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