Not To Be Trusted With Knives

So I get a call today that a Telus dude thinks he can fix my internets without me even being home. You know, like gets my hopes up and whatnot. Then he calls back and says he could not, in fact, fix it from the outside, so I’ll still have to wait ’til Saturday. And then I’m like all sad and stuff.

Later in the afternoon, I get a call from another Telus dude who says he can be at my place in half an hour and can I get there?1 Fortunately, this was around 3:45pm2 and what I was working on could be done at home, so I grabbed my work and booted it home, arriving just as the Telus dude arrived. So I let him in, profusely apologizing for the messiness of my apartment3, making a surreptitious check around my bedroom to make sure I haven’t left anything too incriminating lying around, as my modem lives in my bedroom due to the fact that it’s the only place in my apartment with a jack.

And then, miracle of miracles – he fixed it! Just like that! He clicked some stuff and did some other random fiddling with cords and suchlike and bingo bango bongo, I have internets again! I can even feel the warm glowing warming glow of the wireless internet-y goodness making their way from my wireless modem/router to my laptop. No really, I can.

I believe that the business lingo for this tell-them-you’ll-be-there-on-Saturday-and-then-when-you-show-up-on-Thursday-they-will-be-all- happy-about-it is called “Underpromise, then overperform.” I have no idea where I heard that, and I’ve probably completely messed it up. But the idea is that you promise something that is much less than what you can really do and then you will supposedly look good when you get it done faster. But I’m not falling for it. I still know that I was without internets for over 5 full days and I won’t forget it Telus!

And now, a list of things that I missed doing and am ever so happy I can do again, now that I am jacked back into the Matrix in my own home:

1for the record, although this sounds like the start of a porn or something, it totally wasn’t like that.
2I was going to work ’til 5 pm.
3Which is a whole other story, but involves me having chucked a whole bunch of boxes that Dani had neatly stacked in the corner all over my room in an attempt to see if the modem was plugged into the jack in said corner and not putting them back since I figured that the Telus dude would need to access the jack, which he did; a half assembled Ikea bookshelf, which was abandoned only half assembled when I discovered that I’d put the sides on facing the wrong way and I didn’t have a hammer to remove all the nails that needed to be removed to fix the wrong-way-facing side problem, the nails having been nailed in using the heel of one of my sturdier pairs of high heel shoes; my not having been home a single night this week to do things like tidy up my place; all combined with my general level of messiness.
4I’m going to leave it up to your imagination exactly what I’m talking about there đŸ˜‰
5I only call long distance on Skype. Seems silly to pay long distance charges on my cell when I can talk for free via the series of tubes that makes up the intarweb. And then when my intarweb is down, it turns out that I’m just too cheap to pay for long distance now.

{September 13, 2007}  

Is it wrong that 5 days without internet access at home has had a far greater impact on my life that 50+ days of a garbage strike in my city?

Also, someone with a 403 area code called me around 2 pm today, but didn’t leave a message. I hate when people don’t leave messages when I don’t recognize the number! I believe 403 is Alberta. I don’t know anyone in Alberta! Perhaps they heard all the nasty things I said about Calgary and now they are coming after me. You know what they say: Don’t mess with Alberta!

{September 11, 2007}   The internets hate me

Since Telus isn’t sending someone to fix my non-functioning connection to the internets until SATURDAY, I’m writing this posting up really quickly on my lunch at work. So y’all will have to wait for a proper recounting of my camping trip. Here are some pretty pics1 to tide you over until then.2

And since I apparently work in 1997 and don’t have Javability on my work computer, my apologies to all my Scrabulous opponents – I can only partake of our Scrabble games on occasions where I manage to either (a) insinuate myself into other people’s homes to use their Java-capable computers with functioning internet connections or (b) trek with my laptop to a coffeeshop with wireless access. And did I mention that the only coffeeshop where I can access wireless that is within walking distance of me closes at 6 pm?

1The pics aren’t properly organized in my Flickr, as I uploaded them on shaky coffeshop wireless, which kept wigging out on me in the middle of my upload. So I think I have several photos uploaded more than once and other ones not uploaded at all. Stupid shaky coffeeshop wireless.

2Granted, I could write it up at home and then just bring it to work on my memory stick to post from here, but I’ve been much too busy to do that. Last night I had dinner and played with a Wii for the first time (clarification: first time playing with a Wii, not first time having dinner); tonight Alicia and I are going to pretend that we are training for our respective half marathons by going for an 8K run along the beach, then dinner; tomorrow I have coffee that somehow got upgraded to drinks (or maybe even dinner, I’m not exactly sure!)… and all that makes me tired just thinking about it!!!

{September 10, 2007}   And so the fairy tale ends…

In my ongoing1 coverage of this story, it is my duty to inform the public that Belinda Stronach and Tie Domi have broken up.

You heard it here first. Unless you’ve already heard it somewhere else.

1And by “ongoing” I mean the two times I mentioned it a year ago.

{September 9, 2007}  


So I get home from a lovely camping trip and discover that my internet connection is out. I’ve been internet-less for over a day because Mother Nature apparently didn’t pay her internet bill and there is no internet in the middle of the backcountry. I’m jonesing, jonesing to check my email. I can see that when my internet crapped out on me, I had 13 email messages, because I left my gmail logged in. I call Telus and they try to help over the phone. Some astute questions (i.e., is your modem cord plugged into the phone jack?) lead me to the discovery that the modem cord was knocked out of the wall when Dani was moving her boxes around (as she was here this weekend, picking up her stuff that she was storing here over the summer on her way to her internship). Unfortunately, re-plugging it in and turning the modem off and then on again does not fix the problem. How unplugging a modem can do this is beyond any reasonable comprehension. “We’ll send a technician to check the line,” says the man on the phone. “On September 15th.” “What? The 15th? When is that?? What day is it today? That’s like a whole week? I can’t be without my internet for a week!” I cry. Having been stuck on the Sea to Sky1 highway for an hour while traffic was stopped for an accident on our way home from our camping/hiking trip had already put me in a sour mood, so I just couldn’t help myself from this outburst. Just the thought of not having the internet for a week makes my blood run cold! I think I feel a seizure coming on. Why don’t you just release a gaggle of hissing wolf spiders and black widows into my place while you are at it??? So pissed off am I that I actually put a cotton swab right through my gums as I was trying to get a piece of cashew out of my lower left gum hole2,3, causing profuse bleeding but, thank heavens, only minimal pain. And now I’m writing this blog posting in Notepad, with the idea that I will go to a free-wireless coffee shop tomorrow to post it. And, having gotten this off my chest, I can then write a proper posting about my first ever camping trip, which was AWESOME!!!

Written in Notepad at my internet-unabled home on Sat night while waiting for a cab to take me out for dinner. Posted from a coffeshop on Sunday afternoon. Flying Spaghetti Monster bless wireless internets.

1Or “Sea to Die” highway, as it is also known.
2What do you call the spot where you used to have wisdom teeth, after the extraction?
3Is this too graphic?

{September 5, 2007}  

On the bus on the way to work today, it occurred to me that I am wearing the same outfit that I wore out clubbing two Saturdays ago. Same tank top, same skirt. Same necklace even. The only difference is that I’m wearing sandals instead of my beloved boots. I’m not sure if this means that I dress too skanky for work, or not skanky enough when I go clubbing.

My radio feed over the internet has wigged out on me (I think I just need to re-boot my computer – that usually fixes things), but the silence has made me aware that there is a freaking weird noise coming out of the radiator in my office. I’m actually somewhat terrified that it may be one of those hissing wolf spiders I’ve heard about. Dear god, don’t let it be a hissing wolf spider! I’m up on the 6th floor – there shouldn’t be spiders this high up, should there?

And speaking of being on the 6th floor, by the time I leave today, I will have walked up 23 flights of stairs, and down 23 flights of stairs. So that should make up for my complete lack of half marathon training, right?

{September 5, 2007}   Wikipedialicious

As we all know, Wikipedia is the definitive repository of all knowledge in the known universe. In fact, looking stuff up in Wikipedia is so commonplace, it’s become a verb. It’s been verbed, if you will. Don’t know something? Wikipedia it.

I was at a workshop on social software the other day and the speaker showed us a graphic on what Wikipedia would look like if it were bound in a series of books, like old-timey encyclopedias. Keep in mind, this is just the English version (which contains nearly 2 million articles at present); just the current Wikipedia articles (not older edits); not the discussions; and it doesn’t include tables or pictures, just text. This is how big a bound copy of Wikipedia would be, as of August 2007:


While checking out this graphic, I then noticed this one, which breaks down what Wikipedia actually contains:

Source :

It’s funny ‘cuz it’s true.

{September 3, 2007}   Addicted to Scrabble

My name is Beth and I’m addicted to playing Scrabble online. And the thing is, I’m terrible at it. I don’t have the patience, the vocabulary or the inclination to do math that Scrabble requires. Jorge was giving me tips the other night, but I’m still no good. Yet…. I. can’t. stop. playing. it. As I type, I have 8 games on the go.

Perhaps I keep playing because I do things that amuse me, like this:

sex scrabble1

Hee hee. I played sex for 10 points.

Also, amusing is:

sex scrabble2

Hee hee. My rack.

It helps that I have the sense of humour of a 12 year old boy.

I will say, however, that I’m improving. As evidenced by this screenshot:

sex scrabble3

That’s right. I played sex for 30 points this time. I’m now officially 3 times better at playing sex. It must be true, because it’s on the internets.

{September 3, 2007}  

I’ve been meaning to get some Tupperware for some time now. But it turns out that my laziness has paid off as, when I went upstairs to do my laundry yesterday, my landlady informed me that they had some Tupperware that they never use and so were getting rid of and would I like it?

It’s like having a grey box in my own house!

{September 2, 2007}   The Chief
Yesterday, I did the Chief. For those of you not from around here, that’s a mountain in Squamish. I’ve been wanting to do the Chief for years, but carlessness, among other things, have meant that I’ve never done it before now.


It was a wonderful sunny day (likely the only one we’ll get for the whole long weekend) meaning we were rewarded with some great views once we got to the top. And I have to say that I like the Chief more than the Grind – better scenery, less annoying stairs1, and you get to climb up with ladders and chains at parts. Who doesn’t love ladders and chains?? Also, more shirtless boys.

Speaking of which, Rachel made an observation. Boys don’t get up early. We went in the morning and most of the people we saw on the way up were female. On our way back down, after eating our lunch at second peak, all the shirtless boys were climbing up. Good to note for next time.

On the hike, I got a lot of smiles and comments on my new T-shirt. – including the comment “that is the best T-shirt I’ve EVER seen!!” Unfortunately, it seems that you can’t read what my T-shirt says in any of the photos I took. I’ll have to get the ones from Rachel’s camera and see if you can see my shirt in them. In the meantime, there’s still 25 points up for grabs if anyone can guess which one I bought2, 3!

I was going to do the Grind today, but decided not to as my muscles are a bit sore from the Chief. I was kind of expecting them to be since, unlike on the Grind, where you have a cable car ride down the mountain after the hike up, you hike back down the mountain on the Chief. And hiking down means eccentric muscle contractions, which are more damaging to the muscle than going uphill. I learned that in OAC4 Phys Ed class, 12 years ago. And I still remember it. No idea why that one little fact stuck in my brain so well. And why useful things like, say, where I put my keys five minutes ago, or the fact that my bluetooth headset is in the pocket of the skirt I just threw in the laundry, don’t.

So, instead of the Grind, I decided to do some tidying and organizing and cleaning today. September’s not too late to do my spring cleaning, is it?

1they keep putting more and more stairs in on the Grind and I find the stairs far more difficult to hike up than natural terrain. I think, being a shorty, my gait just doesn’t match up well with the stairs
2I had a few guesses in the comments section of where I import my blog postings into Facebook, but no one guessed right yet.
3And no one who has seen it or who I’ve told what it says gets to guess.
4OAC = Ontario Academic Course (or was it C for Credit) – a.k.a. grade 13.

et cetera