Not To Be Trusted With Knives











{July 1, 2007}   400

You know I can’t resist a list. This is my 400th post. And here are 400 things about me. I was going to make them totally random, but as the list progressed1, I ended up grouping things and having several lists of “the 10 (or 15 or 25) most recent…”, which I freely admit are kind of filler, because 400 is a big number, dammit! But it still gives you some insight into me and publishing the most mundane things about oneself is what the internets was designed for, isn’t it?

It’s a very long post, so I suggest you sit down with a nice cold diet Pepsi (or possibly an orange mocha frappichino) and settle in for a wild ride in the psyche of Dr. B. To make it easier on you, I’ve hyperlinked on all the footnotes (and, when you are done reading a given footnote, just click on it and it will bring you back to where you were in the list.). You’re welcome.

OK, without further ado (I’m *so* sick of ado already!), here are 400 things. If you actually read them all, you are almost as crazy as I am.

My Childhood

  1. When I was little, we had two dogs. Their names were Brandy and Gin. Which is funny, because my parents are both teetotallers. They were both of the same breed, Dandie Dinmont Terriors. I thought they were called “Brandy Didn’t Want Ontario.” Apparently I really was always meant to live in BC.
  2. For a brief period, I truly believed that my name was spelled Beht.
  3. My first bed was a brass bed. I wanted one because one of my aunts had one and I thought it was sooo cool.
  4. When I was 3 years old, I could count to 101. I believed that 101 was the highest possible number – it did not occur to me that something could come after 101.
  5. Also at 3 years of age, I memorized my favourite book, “Donkey Daniel in Bethlehem,” because I made my mom read it to me so many times. I would flip the pages and recite the words and I honestly believed that I was reading. Until I tried to read another book – I opened it up and was very upset when I didn’t know the words. I remember thinking “Oh no! I’ve forgotten how to read!”
  6. I attended kindergarten three times. OK, that’s not as bad as it sounds. My sister was 2 grades above me and my mom volunteered to help out in my sister’s kindergarten class, so she just brought me along and I took part in all the kindergarten class activities. The next year, my mom volunteered to help out in the special needs class, so the kindergarten teacher said that I could just go and play in the kindergarten class while my mom was volunteering. The next year was my actual year in kindergarten.
  7. Because I attended kindergarten three times, I read my school’s entire book collection for kindergarten, grade 1 and grade 2 by the end of own my kindergarten year. I remember reading a grade 2 book with a purple monster on the cover at the end of kindergarten, although I have no idea what the book was called.
  8. The nickname my family gave me very early on in childhood was “Messy Bessy.” Anyone who knows me will understand how this came to be.
  9. When she wanted us to behave, my mom would tell us that we better be good or “I’ll rip your face off.” My mom had long nails and I was pretty sure that she could actually do this.
  10. ChiPs was my favourite show when I was a kid. I *loved* Erik Estrada. Loved!
  11. My mother told me and my sister that if we drank directly from the water tap, a snake would come out of the tap and go right down our throats. We believed her.
  12. I was sure that I would grow up to be the first women to play major league baseball.
  13. Academic Stuff

  14. In my undergrad, I majored in Biochemistry
  15. While majoring in Biochemistry, I minored in Drama
  16. I can legitimately put all of the following letters after my name: B.Sc(Hons), M.Sc., Ph.D.
  17. I have current or past memberships in 11 academic organizations
  18. In the 6 years of my PhD, I only had to take 18 credits (3 credits = a one semester class)
  19. I had straight As in my graduate work (Masters and PhD)
  20. I did not have straight As in my undergrad. In fact, I had a few really dismal marks2
  21. I have only been to 9 university campuses
  22. I attended 3 campuses of those as a student
  23. I have taught students from kindergarten all the way through to university professors
  24. I have won three teaching awards
  25. I have won 17 academic awards
  26. I accumulated over $70,000 of student debt
  27. I was a postsecondary student for 11 years
  28. I am trained in Radionucleotide Safety and Methodology
  29. I was required to take Chemical Safety Training at all three universities I attended, as no university seems to recognize each others’s training, despite the fact that WHMIS (the core of what was taught in each training session) is a national program.
  30. I have judged in two national science fairs
  31. I was mistaken for a student at one of those science fairs (the students are in high school and I was 28 years old at the time)
  32. My Family

  33. I have one sister
  34. I have one niece
  35. I have two living grandparents
  36. I have 6 biological uncles
  37. I have 6 biological aunts
  38. I have 14 first cousins
  39. 3 of those first cousins are named Robert
  40. I have 9 first cousins once removed
  41. The youngest of those first cousins once removed is only 5 days old!
  42. I will have 1 first cousin twice removed in August
  43. When my first cousin twice removed is born in August, we will have 5 living generations on my dad’s side of the family (great-great-grandparents, great-grandparents, grandparents, parents, kid)
  44. My parents still live in the same house they were in when I was born
  45. Anthropometrics

  46. I’m 5 ft tall
  47. I’m 5 ft 4 when I wear my boots, my ebay shoes or my new red platforms!
  48. I have blue eyes
  49. I am constantly asked if I am wearing coloured contacts. For the record, I am not.
  50. I naturally have brown hair, but right now it is a reddish-blondish colour
  51. I’m not telling you my weight, but it is within the healthy BMI range
  52. I wear size 6 shoes
  53. I wear junior boys hockey equipment
  54. I’m still wearing glasses that I bought 7 years ago, despite the fact that my prescription has changed several times and my glasses have been stepped on and thus are crooked on my face.
  55. My proper prescription is -7.5 in one eye and -9.0 in the other
  56. My Addiction to the Internet

  57. I have 8 email addresses
  58. I write on 3 blogs
  59. I have 4 computers in my house
  60. 3 of those computers actually work
  61. 2 of those 3 computers I typically have running 24/7.
  62. I created a wiki for my family’s Christmas wish list
  63. My current Technorati rank is 237,134
  64. I have 167 Facebook friends (almost all of whom I actually know in real life!)
  65. I have 1407 pictures posted on Flickr
  66. I am currently using 40% of my 2871 MB of storage in Gmail
  67. Food

  68. I’m a lacto-ovo vegetarian
  69. I take my coffee black with sweetener
  70. I take my tea with sweetener and soymilk
  71. My favourite food is, and always has been, French fries
  72. I also enjoy French fries’s fancy cousin, poutine
  73. I love dark chocolate; milk chocolate, not so much
  74. I prefer diet Pepsi to diet Coke
  75. I know how aspartame is metabolized in the body, and no, it won’t give you MS, brain tumours or minor heart explosions.
  76. If I had to pick a favourite vegetable (not counting French fries), I think I’d say asparagus
  77. If I had to pick a favourite fruit, pineapple (or possibly mango)
  78. I dislike pie crust; I prefer to eat the filling from the pie and leave the crust.
  79. I believe that cake is merely a vehicle for icing
  80. Physical Activity

  81. Hockey is hands down my favourite sport to play
  82. I was once the highest scorer on my hockey team, despite having the worst shot in the history of the sport. My secret: get in good position in front of the net and wait for one of the good players to pass me the puck.
  83. I played softball as a kid from about ages 7-13 (or maybe 14… can’t quite remember). Since then, I haven’t played until this year
  84. The first time I ever surfed was on my 30th birthday trip to Tofino
  85. Since grade school, I have run in three races: a 5K, a 10K and a half marathon.
  86. As a kid, I took 3 karate lessons. There was a special promo where you could get 3 lessons for $10. I quite enjoyed it, but my parents did not enroll me in any lessons after that.
  87. I have learned the following types of dance at some point in my life (and to varying degrees of success): salsa, merengue, square, pole and two-step.
  88. I took swimming lessons up to pre-bronze.3 I was too young to move on to bronze at that point, and I never ended up going back to it once I was old enough.
  89. I spent a few years on my hometown’s swim team as a kid; my favourite race was the butterfly, because so few people entered that race that sometimes you could win a medal simply for being one of the three kids in that competition.
  90. I firmly believed that being an alternate on the track & field team in elementary school was the best position on the team. No one ever got hurt on race day, which meant that I got the day off of school, got to sit in the sun eating freezies, and never had to exert any effort by actually running in a race.
  91. I’ve done the Grouse Grind a grand total of three times
  92. My hiking goals for this summer is to do the Grind at least 2 more times, Mount Seymour to first peak, the Chief, and Black Tusk.
  93. Things I Like (in no particular order)

  94. lists
  95. footnotes
  96. juxtaposition
  97. my niece
  98. cheesecake
  99. cats that act like dogs
  100. dogs that act like dogs
  101. Vancouver
  102. Jager Bombs
  103. platform heels
  104. risotto
  105. Stephen Colbert
  106. my Treo
  107. sunshine
  108. Taylor Pyatt
  109. my job
  110. my other job
  111. my third job
  112. Indian food
  113. my mitochondria
  114. Things I Don’t Like

  115. Calgary
  116. spiders
  117. Nicholas Cage4
  118. meat
  119. the word “incentivize”
  120. David Emerson
  121. selfishness
  122. the fact that I can only renew books from the Vancouver Public Library two times, even if no one else has requested the book
  123. American cars
  124. American beer
  125. pain
  126. jerks
  127. Things on My Desk At Work Right Now

  128. photo of my niece
  129. photo of me with a bunch of friends
  130. another photo of me with a bunch of friends
  131. a computer
  132. hand cream
  133. file folder rack thingy
  134. travel mug
  135. water bottle
  136. pen holder (with pens!)
  137. box of business cards
  138. pile of other people’s business cards
  139. stapler
  140. staple remover
  141. stamp that says “COPY”
  142. yellow highlighter
  143. pen
  144. another pen
  145. pencil
  146. binder with notes from meetings
  147. contact lists which I was too lazy to put back up on my corkboard
  148. unopened packet of soy sauce
  149. mess5
  150. Provinces To Which I’ve Been

  151. British Columbia
  152. Alberta
  153. Saskatchewan
  154. Manitoba
  155. Ontario
  156. Quebec
  157. Prince Edward Island
  158. Fifteen of My Favourite Quotations

  159. “If religions was based on scientific evidence it would be called “science”… and no one would believe it.” -Stephen Colbert
  160. “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” -Douglas Adams
  161. “Death is the only thing that ever terrifies me… one can survive everything nowadays except that.” -Lord Henry Wotton in The Picture of Dorian Gray
  162. “It is better to be a human being dissatisfied than a pig satisfied; better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied.”-John Stuart Mill
  163. “In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.” -Douglas Adams
  164. “Creationists make it sound as though a ‘theory’ is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.”-Isaac Asimov
  165. “Women need not always keep their mouths shut and their wombs open.”-Emma Goldman
  166. “A physicist is just an atom’s way of looking at itself.”-Niels Bohr
  167. “As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life – so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls”. -M. Cartmill
  168. “The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving.” -Russell Green
  169. “The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.” -George Bernard Shaw
  170. “Sleep is wasted on the sleeping.” -Nick Parlante
  171. “Physics is not a religion. If it were, we’d have a much easier time raising money.” -Leon Lederman
  172. “I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.” -Mark Twain
  173. “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work… I want to achieve it through not dying.”-Woody Allen
  174. Places I’ve Published

  175. Bone
  176. Alcohol
  177. Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research
  178. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews
  179. Bioteach
  180. the internets
  181. Every Pair of Footwear That I Own

  182. black shiny heels
  183. black matte heels
  184. black shiny wedge heels with a strap around the ankle
  185. my CFM boots
  186. ebay shoes
  187. red platform heels
  188. brown, two thick straps, chunky heels that I bought in Seattle
  189. Asics running shoes
  190. Circa skater shoes
  191. winter boots
  192. hockey skates
  193. rollerblades
  194. strappy black wedge heels that I bought for my graduation
  195. black Stoneridge sandals
  196. brown strappy sandals with cork wedge heel
  197. black flip flops
  198. red flip flops
  199. light blue Crocs
  200. silver ballerina flats
  201. black slip ons
  202. black ankle high boots that are so worn I should really throw them away
  203. silver shoes with the clear plastic heels that have lights inside that light up when you walk that Danielle would not leave the house with me if I was wearing them
  204. Icons on My Laptop’s Desktop

  205. Recycle Bin
  206. QuickTime Player
  207. Internet Explorer
  208. Adobe Reader 8
  209. AVG Free (anti-virus software)
  210. InterVideo Win DVD
  211. Firefox
  212. Recovery Disc Creator
  213. TOSHIBA Assist (I don’t even know what this does)
  214. Window Live Messenger
  215. Window Media Play
  216. Microsoft Outlook (which I *never* use at home)
  217. Palm Desktop
  218. Palm Quick Install
  219. Documents To Go (also for Palm)
  220. Eat Right Analysis (a diet analysis program)
  221. Telus eCare (again, something I never use)
  222. Flickr Uploadr
  223. iTunes
  224. blog.txt (a draft of this blog posting, which I was working on in Notepad, saved to desktop)
  225. Skype
  226. The Last 10 Books I’ve Read (or Am In The Process of Reading)

  227. The Math Gene: How Mathematical Thinking Evolved and Why Numbers Are Like Gossip by Keith J. Devlin.
  228. The Heathen’s Guide to World Religions by William Hopper
  229. Race Against Time by Stephen Lewis
  230. Sophie’s World by Jostein Gaarder
  231. The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
  232. The Minority Report by Philip K. Dick
  233. The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster by Bobby Henderson
  234. The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins
  235. What to Eat by Marion Nestle
  236. Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace
  237. The Last 5 Movies I Have Watched

  238. Zoolander
  239. Spider-Man 3
  240. Day Watch
  241. Die Hard with a Vengeance
  242. Live Free or Die Hard
  243. Last 25 Google Searches That Lead People to My Blog

  244. gay bar pony seattle
  245. longest gun name
  246. telus bundle phone cell internet
  247. funniest spam
  248. funny names for IT geeks
  249. what does not destroy me
  250. crazy latest names
  251. Canada eagle cam
  252. dunk tank siren
  253. Danielle needs
  254. mon blog sexy
  255. Vancouver women’s ice hockey
  256. 23 reasons why I am awesome [um, did they really think they’d find this on the web??]
  257. sex playlist
  258. stripper named Courtney
  259. Canucks trade Jason King
  260. sexy Beth
  261. OSAP pays students every month [you wish!]
  262. wear the fox hat
  263. table of contents shows pages in Roman numerals
  264. you have to excuse me I’m not at my best
  265. clinic sex free
  266. cut off salan calgary
  267. Beth Kaede
  268. icicle aphrodisiac6
  269. The Last 25 Cities from Which My Blog Readers Have Come

  270. Mountain View, California
  271. Burnaby, BC
  272. Toronto, Ontario
  273. Farmingon, Connecticut
  274. New York, New York
  275. Livonia, Michigan
  276. Seoul, Kyonggi-do,Korea
  277. Linköping, Ostergotland, Sweden
  278. Bangalore, Karnataka, India
  279. Dearborn, Michigan
  280. Berlin, Germany
  281. Seattle, Washington
  282. Delta, BC
  283. Calgary, Alberta
  284. Tyler, Texas
  285. Asheboro, North Carolina
  286. Greenville, South Carolina
  287. Atlanta, Georgia
  288. Ottawa, Ontario
  289. Vancouver, BC
  290. Herndon, Virgina
  291. Naples, Floria
  292. Allen, Texas
  293. Thousand Oaks, California
  294. Torino, Piemonte, Italy
  295. The Last Ten People Who Have Written on My Facebook Wall

  296. Kalev
  297. Kelly
  298. Ian
  299. Lianna
  300. Danielle
  301. Dan
  302. me
  303. Kim
  304. Clayton
  305. Tenny
  306. The Last 25 Songs I Listened to on my iPod

  307. Fuck Her Gently by Tenacious D
  308. From Blown Speakers by the New Pornographers
  309. Material Girl by Madonna
  310. In the Ghetto by Elvis Presley
  311. Mr. Jones by the Counting Crows
  312. Lips of an Angel by Hinder
  313. Tainted Love by the Cure
  314. Build Me Up Buttercup by NOFX
  315. Ball and Chain by Social Distortion
  316. Holy Virgin by Groove Coverage
  317. Get Together by Madonna
  318. Animals by Nickelback
  319. Lucky Love by Ace of Base
  320. You Oughta Know by Alanis Morisette
  321. Sex Changes by the Dresden Dolls
  322. Poison by Groove Coverage
  323. Better Together by Jack Johnson
  324. Little Bones by the Tragically Hip
  325. Church of Hot Addiction by Cobra Starship
  326. The Other Man by Sloan
  327. The Anti-Racist Sing-a-Long by Closet Monster
  328. Kiss Kiss by Groove Coverage
  329. Promiscuous Girl by Nelly Furtado
  330. In A Sweet Dream by Strata
  331. The Last 25 People Who Emailed Me

  332. Lori
  333. Dave
  334. Meenu
  335. Nancy
  336. Erika
  337. Christel
  338. Alison
  339. The Georgia Straight
  340. Jen
  341. Lovey
  342. Phillip
  343. Lori
  344. The Vancouver Public Library
  345. Kalev
  346. Carrie
  347. Ziba
  348. Jody
  349. Theresa
  350. Jason
  351. John
  352. Lincoln
  353. JB
  354. Pay Pal
  355. Tanis
  356. Balie
  357. Shalu
  358. Mike
  359. Agatha
  360. The Last 10 Pieces of Snail Mail That I’ve Received

  361. bank statement
  362. mail for my former roommate
  363. mail for my former roommate’s ex
  364. bank statement from the other bank
  365. free sample of shampoo
  366. Visa bill
  367. dentist visit reimbursement cheque from my health plan
  368. optometrist visit reimbursement cheque from my health plan
  369. junk mail about my Visa

  370. AmEx bill

  371. pension plan papers

  372. The Last 9 Pieces of Snail Mail That I’ve Sent

  373. signed contract for my new job teaching science to kids, sent to the employer
  374. grad photo sent to my uncle and aunt7
  375. postcard with a photo of me & Kelly running on it, sent to Kelly
  376. postcard with a photo of me & Kelly running on it, sent to my sister & neice
  377. postcard with a photo of me & Kelly running on it, sent to my mom & dad
  378. postcard with a photo of me & Kelly running on it, sent to Danielle
  379. birthday present sent to my sister
  380. newspaper article sent to Danielle
  381. The Last 15 Things I Ate8

  382. authentic Dutch apple pie, made by my Dutch friend Christel
  383. Cobb’s Country Harvest Bread with cream cheese on it
  384. spinach/chickepea/tofu/zucchini/carrots/green pepper curry with brown rice
  385. refried beans, tomatoes, mushrooms and green onions in a whole wheat wrap
  386. egg McMaster and a cup of coffee
  387. veggie maki rolls, tempura, and teriaki tofu
  388. Cobb’s Country Harvest Bread, toasted with cream cheese and tea
  389. an apple
  390. a banana
  391. veggie pakora, naan, pulao rice, Bombay Aloo and a mixed veggie dish that name of which I can’t recall and which doesn’t seem to be in their online version of their menu
  392. ice cream bar and a diet Pepsi
  393. toast with peanut butter & honey and tea
  394. veggie burrito
  395. salt & vinegar chips, chocolate & a diet pepsi (which I smuggled into the movie theatre)
  396. egg McMaster and a cup of tea
  397. The Last 25 Websites I Accessed

  398. IMDB
  399. wikipedia
  400. dictionary.com
  401. Image West hair
  402. flickr
  403. telusmobility
  404. Global News
  405. my work’s website
  406. Translink
  407. Canucks.com
  408. CFOX.com
  409. Molson.com
  410. CTV News website
  411. Google Reader
  412. Work Email
  413. Hotmail
  414. Young & the Restless spolier site
  415. Environment Canada’s weather forecast
  416. Google Analytics
  417. The Colbert Report on the Comedy Central website
  418. Facebook
  419. Stats Counter
  420. My Blog
  421. Blogger
  422. Gmail
  423. Random Stuff

  424. There are 17 letters in my name.
  425. My porn name is Brandy Mountainview
  426. I am never, ever, ever doing something like this again. Why, oh why, do I get such stupid ideas into my head. I thought this would be easier than finding 200 sites to link to. I stand corrected.

1ya, I’ve been working on this for a little while now, when I noticed that I was approaching my 400th blog posting. Yes, I do have a life, why do you ask?)

2I hate your analytical chemistry and first year physics!!

3 I don’t know if they still use the colour categories like they did when I was a kid. Bronze was the first step of the lifeguarding qualifications, after you went through all the basic levels of swimming lessons – blue, orange, green, red, maroon, plaid, or whatever.

4I have an irrational hatred of Nicholas Cage. I don’t know why I don’t like him. I just don’t

5So messy, in fact, that I nearly had to resort to calling my cell phone from my office phone to find it on my desk the other day

6ones that didn’t make my most recent 25, but which I couldn’t resist telling you about:

  • get paid watch porn films
  • middle aged women porn
  • naked Aggies
  • list of things and people that have pissed me off
  • pre porn
  • hands spontaneously started bleeding
  • danielle rocks
  • how to make danielle happy
  • danielle needs needs [is it just me, or does someone have a Danielle obsession??]
  • sperm all over moms boots
  • [and my favourite] injured doing keg stand

7 I had sent grad photos to all my aunts andes, but this particular one was “returned to sender” because I’d forgotten to add the apartment # with the address. And apparently the post office couldn’t figure out that they should just deliver it to the house where all the other mail at that address with the same name was going. So I had to re-send it. Way to go, Canada Post!

8Wow, compiling that list made me realize how crappy I’ve been eating lately. Yikes! They are going to want to take back my doctorate in Nutrition if I keep this up!

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Rebecca says:

Wow! Congrats on assembling that list! And major congrats on post #400 🙂



Stacia says:

This list is quite impressive. Especially the academic part! I hope it doesn’t take forever to pay off those student loans.



Jason says:

uh-oh, beth; the addiction is worsening…



Darren says:

Not to be crass, but this post is an evil marketer’s wet dream.

I recently passed my 4000th post. I think I’ll just hold on this badboy until the big 5-0-0-0.



Beth says:

Darren – you make a good point. But “evil” and “marketers”… isn’t that a little redundant?

Jason – I don’t think there is a cure for this addicition!

Stacia – thanks! I hope it doesn’t too!

Rebecca – thanks and thanks!



Darren says:

Hey, I’m a marketer! Sometimes. And I almost always use my powers for the forces of good.



Beth says:

I know you are a marketer! I was just kidding!



Darren says:

I was foiled by the lack of smiley.

And now I’m making fun, beause emoticons must die.

I was also lying about using my powers only for good. Do you know any teenagers with addictive personalities?



Darren says:

‘beuase’? Bad spelling must also die, but I fear it’s hardier prey.



Kelly says:

I read oh-so much, but not all. loved the quotes – berry funny!

Hey lady – you’re impressive!



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