Not To Be Trusted With Knives

{February 16, 2007}   O.O.T.S.S.O.E.R.A.A.A.P.

Got an email from Jody yesterday:

I hereby award you the “I blog about science” badge. Congratulations.

these scouts sound fun.

Thanks Jody!!

Man, I’m sooo special! Check out the shiny badge I get:So, being the internet junkie that I am, I needed to further investigate this organization from which Jody had bestowed me this honour. They are the Order of the Science Scouts of Exemplary Repute and Above Average Physique. And being that (a) I am a scientist, (b) my repute is exemplary, (c) my physique, above average, and (d) I meet their criteria for membership*, I have applied for official membership.

Perusing the badges on their site, I have decided to award myself the following:

The “talking science” badge:

This badge is required for all members and commemorates the fact that I talk about science. All the time.

Along the same lines, I give myself the “destroyer of quackery” badge:

“In which the recipient never ever backs down from an argument that pits sound science over quackery.” I totally, totally deserve this one.

Next up, I think I should get the “sexing up science” badge:

“In which the recipient has had experience with things such as selective breeding, crossing, mate selection, prokaryotic conjugation, fertility studies, STD related microbiology, and/or any other acceptable interpretation of the badge.” I feel like I should get this for another “acceptable interpretation of the badge” based on the following: I once gave a speech at closing banquet at a conference of science educators where I said, “Saying “I’m a scientist” is a great pickup line. No, seriously. Try it at the bar tonight!” I think this qualifies.

And finally, I wanted to give myself the “knows how to collect semen from more than one species“:

Although I never technically collected rat sperm per se, I did have check under rat breeding cages for dried semen (the graphically named “vaginal plugs”). But it doesn’t really matter if that qualifies me for this badge or not, as when you read the fine print you see: “That’s two species not including humans”.

*I will fulfill my committment to spreading the truth in a future posting.

et cetera