Not To Be Trusted With Knives











{February 14, 2007}   Why?

Why did my grocery store decide to rearrange their set up, right when just I got to know where everything was? And why don’t they keep the tomato paste next to the canned tomatoes? And why have whole wheat English muffins been on sale* non-stop since I started going to this grocery store last May?

Why do all the non-organic croutons, of which there are several varieties, have to have trans fats in them? Do I look like I can afford 50 cents extra to buy the organic ones in order to avoid the artery clogging trans fats?**

Why can I not remember any phone numbers, save my parents which has been the same number since before I was born? Oh ya, and Sarah’s phone number back in high school, which her parents no longer have, as they have moved, and thus the number is totally useless to me. I mean, I don’t have a cell phone, so it’s not like I have everyone on speed dial. I look up numbers when I call people, yet I never seem to remember what those numbers are the next time I call.

Why can a politician stand up in the House of Parliament and tell an out and out lie and get away with it? Why isn’t there perjury for politicians on the House floor?

Why don’t I have a sugar daddy?

Why does my Palm Pilot require that I fiddle with it for at least 15 minutes and hold it just so in its cradle before it will hot sync?

Why did Vanilla Ice drop out of the music scene?***

Why is my application status for a job that I would quite like, and for which I applied in October, still listed as “in process”? And why won’t they answer my follow up email?

Why do I always have a burning desire to bake cookies at 9:30 p.m., every single night?

Why am I completely incapable of doing any real work before 11:30 pm, of sleeping before 2:47 am, or of rising before 12:21 p.m.?

Why do I forget to take my calcium supplement 4 out of 5 days? Is the fear of debilitating osteoporosis not pressing enough? Is the need to have street cred among the other bone biologists not sufficient to jog my memory?

*10 cents off the regular price

**For the record, I decided to make my own, homemade croutons instead. And they were delicious.

***More importantly, why the hell did I just read the entire Wikipedia entry on Vanilla Ice? And why the hell did he and his wife name their daughters Dusti Raine and Keelee Breeze? Why, why, why would someone do that??

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Jorge says:

Wikipedia is the Devil’s way of touching our secret place so that no one knows, and we can’t report him.

If it didn’t feel so good, we wouldn’t keep doing it.

DAMN YOU WIKI!



Courtney-O says:

Question #1: Wouldn’t it be easier if they grouped everything in a way anyone could possibly understand? I swear I spend half my grocery shopping time wandering around aimlessly.

Question #3: I have a phenomenal mental capacity for numbers. Phone numbers, account numbers, etc. For example, when I worked at the bank, I had the account numbers of about 90% of my customers memorized. I can still remember some of them, over three years later. Weird.

Question #7: I love his lone hit!! (And I understand that admitting so qualifies me as a dork.)

Footnote #3: They’re called drugs, Beth.



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