Not To Be Trusted With Knives











{January 29, 2007}   Tech Support

For what seems like the millionth time, the wireless at my place is on the fritz*. So I called Telus to get them walk me through how to fix the damn thing… again. They have a new feature where you don’t actually have to stay on the line to hold your place in the queue. “You can either stay on the line, or we can call you back when the next available operator is free and you won’t lose your place in line!” the cheery automated voice tells me, “Your estimated wait time is 5 minutes!”

That was an hour and a half ago.

*I’m writing this on my old fashioned plugged in ADSL, FYI.

Cross posted at Indie Bloggers.

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{January 29, 2007}   My New Calling

Today, I had my first pole dancing lesson. First of all, props to Alicia for giving me such a freaking cool birthday present! Second, a shout out goes to Tantra Fitness, where you can take lapdancing or cardio striptease classes, in addition to learning how to work the pole.

There were a lot of people at the lesson, so Alicia and I had to share a pole. Having so many people there also meant we only got to learn two moves, as the instructors came around to check out each person’s form individually…. you know, because as we each “got to know our pole,” we need individualized instruction. Once Alicia and I had perfected the first move (a swinging around the pole kinda thing), which seemed to be quite a while before the instructors got around to everyone, we decided to try it out going in the opposite direction. At first I thought I might not be an ambiturner, but I soon got the hang out it.

The second move we learned was a “transition” move. It totally threw me for a loop until I discovered that I was taking my first step with my outside foot instead of my inside foot. Silly me. After that, it was pretty easy. This move was one where you spin around so your back is to the pole, and sort of peel your body away from it, looking as sexy as you can. FYI, we discovered that having a confused “what the hell is the next step?” look on your face really takes away from the sexiness. Once we had that move down, we practised our ambiturning and combined our two moves into one natural flowing routine.

Also, as it turns out, I am a natural at pole dancing. When the instructor came around to check out our form on the first move, she told me “You are actually doing something very advanced. Most people are never able to cross their feet over like that.” So I’m thinking that I should give up on this whole scientist thing and become a pole dancing instructor. Anyone want to spring for the $100/hr it will cost for me to take pole dance instructor lesssons? I think I’d also need my own pole installed at home… you know, to practise. That’ll cost about $600 – donations to the cause are welcome!



et cetera