Not To Be Trusted With Knives

{December 20, 2006}   Varia

Three blog postings in one day yesterday? That must mean (a) Beth has real work that she should be doing but isn’t, (b) Beth’s roommate has gone home for the holidays and there is no one here to listen to her various witty remarks, so she feels the need to blog.

Also, it appears, at least on my screen, that those clips from You Tube that I posted earlier are too wide and so they cover up the stuff on my sidebar. And, since I’m too lazy to figure out how to re-size it, I figured I would just write another post to push that one further down on the screen. And I also figured that if I put photos in, it would be even easier to make a sufficiently long posting to do so. So I dug through the images I have on my computer* and found some cool shiny things for you to look at.

This is a cool pic of downtown Vancouver that I snagged off the ‘net one day. Not sure where it is from or what I needed a pic of Vancouver for…. but I like it.

This next one comes from the Facebook group “All My Money Goes to Starbucks”… a group of which I am most certainly not a member.:

Facebook groups of which I am a member include: Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Fuck this shit…I’m transfering to Hogwarts, The “I am Less Proud To Be Canadian Now That We Have a Conservative Government” Group and the first group I ever joined, Jon Stewart, bed me now**.

Next we have a pic of me as a South Park character. Aren’t I adorable?

I loved this book when I was a kid:

This is a pic of my neice from last Christmas… it speaks for itself:

And speaking of adorable children at Christmas, guess who this cutie is?

I loved CHiPs when I was a kid. Erik Estrada was my hero! When I opened up the CHiPs set that Santa brought me, that helmet went on and didn’t come off for the rest of the day. I even remember handcuffing my grandpa to prevent him from stealing the sausages off the turkey while it was in the oven***. Funny thing is, I have no recollection of wearing it ever again, but I remember wearing it for that entire Christmas as if it were yesterday. I would also like to point out that I am wearing a really styling housecoat.

*turns out I’m a digital pack rat as much as I am a pack rat in the real world.

**The description of this group is: “Everything to do with the tasty morsel of Jewish goodness that is the host of the Daily Show.”

***My family attaches sausages to the turkey with toothpicks while the turkey is cooking. Seriously.

{December 20, 2006}  

This has to be the worst PR that Bird’s Custard Powder has ever had.

{December 20, 2006}   Holiday Potluck

I was at a potluck on Monday night. Brought my cheesecake – it was a big hit! It was a little softer than usual, which resulted from a combination of putting just a splash too much Amaretto and taking it on an hour long bus ride, where the bus drivers were maniacs and the centrifugal force of them taking the corners at Mach 10 pretty much liquified my precious cheesecake. But it still tasted damn good, which is really what matters.

The party was lots of fun, but there were two particular points of interest that I thought I’d share with y’all. First, I tried Gløgg. And it was really good! Ordinarily, I’m not much interested in chunks of food in my beverage (bubble tea, I’m looking in your direction!), but I quite enjoyed the nuts and raisins in my Gløgg!

Mmmm, Gløgg!

Second, I thought you might enjoy seeing some of our entertainment for the evening. I’ve never put anything up on YouTube before and I just took the clips on my digicam, so the quality isn’t the best, but you can still tell what is going on:

{December 20, 2006}   Holiday Baking

By insistent demand special request, I was told in no uncertain terms that I would be thought it would be nice of me to bake some shortbread cookies to send to my sister for the holidays. As it happens, I make the world’s greatest shortbread cookies. From my Great Granny Snow’s recipe. Her *secret* recipe. Which was passed on from my Great Granny Snow to my aunt, who then passed it on to me. There is no rhyme nor reason to who the recipe gets passed on to… no traditional, every-second-generation-the-13th-member-of-the-
family-learns-the-secret-at-the-full-moon. As far as I can tell, it is based solely on favourtism. My Great Granny liked my aunt the best and my aunt liked me more than all her other neices and nephews. But, as we all know, with great power comes great responsibility. And so I bake.

But before I could bake, I needed to find my rolling pin. Most of my kitchen gadgets are packed away in boxes, seeing as I am living this transient lifestyle (I usually just use my roommates baking stuff, but she does not seem to own a rolling pin). And seeing as I am a recovering pack rat, I have a fair number of boxes. I knew that I’d seen my rolling pin the last time I’d been digging through boxes for some much needed kitchen item (I believe that time it was a casserole dish). I searched through the boxes in my bedroom cupboard, but to no avail. So then I searched through this pile of boxes:

But alas, no rolling pin. I did, however, find some things that would make my life much easier, including a wooden spoon for beating cookie batter, cooling racks and cookie cutters. So I kept that stuff out and, as the items in my boxes appear not to obey the law of conservation of matter, I just repacked the boxes as best I could. And then I restacked the boxes careful, since the last time I’d dug through them and hastily restacked them, they all came crashing down in the middle of the night, scaring my roommate half to death.

Next I decided to search through this set of boxes:

Jackpot! I found my rolling pin! It is made of marble, so it weighs about 300 lbs, but I really like it. Isn’t it cool looking?

Fortunately, the 2 hrs it took me to unpack boxes; rifle through them; delight at the treasures within; struggle to re-pack them, marveling at how, despite having taken things out of the boxes, I can no long fit the remaining items back in the box; decide it is OK to do a half-ass job of repacking the boxes; re-tape them and restack them, was just the necessary amount of time for the butter that I had taken out of the fridge to soften, so from there it was smooth sailing.

Secret recipe in hand, I mixed the batter:

I cut the cookies into traditional Christmas cookie shapes, such as gingerbread men shaped, circles and, of course, cows:

On some cookies, I used a cookie press to make imprints of festive shapes… like this one, where I was making an imprint of a vampire bat:

And yes, that is festive black nail polish that I’m wearing!

Then you just decorate with chocolate chips or coloured sugar – you know, stuff that a nutritional scientist would totally be into. And bake!

And that, my friends, is the most I’m going to reveal about how you make my Great Granny’s secret recipe for shortbread. Man, I should totally have my own cooking show.

et cetera